Jesus first asked the Apostles, “Who do people say that I am?” And then he asked more pointedly, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

“Who do you say that I am?” Is an important question for each one of us to answer. That answer has changed for me over the years and where I am now comes from a gift that Jesus gave me during the first few days of my 30-Day silent, directed retreat practicing the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola that I completed August 4.

During one of my early holy hours, I was sitting on a simple bench about 30 miles north of Chicago, on the grounds of St. Joseph and Mary Retreat Center, Mundelein, Illinois, and listening to the song of the wind playing in the leaves. As I was reading from the letter to the Ephesians, Jesus touched my heart with these words from St. Paul:

“To know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge so that you may be filled with the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19).

I stopped there and kept reading the words over and over. Something about them held my attention. Then I felt as if Jesus was sitting next to me on the bench. I resisted listening to the voice saying this was just my imagination and trusted that somehow Jesus was making himself present to me.

I then asked, “How can I know your love?”

Jesus said, “Trust me.”

I continued to let go and speak from what arose in my heart next and then asked, “Can you take care of a friend for me?”

Jesus said, “Yes.”

“How is JoAnn, (my wife who passed away, September 2, 2019) doing?”

“Good, better than good.”

I stumbled a bit here because those were the words that I had given earlier to Fr. Horn, my spiritual director, about myself after a few days of settling into the retreat having come in feeling wiped out. I continued to trust and asked Jesus, “Am I making this up or is this really you?”

“Trust me.”

What Jesus and his mother Mary continued to share in some form or fashion within each of my holy hours that followed for the rest of the retreat was to guide me through a practice of breathing slowly and consciously, letting go of any thoughts, fears, doubts, expectations, of needing to do, and instead to just be, and to rest. To rest in his word, his love, his presence, and then with each breath to come to abide in his love and so experience his peace. As I did so, I would also experience moments of joy that welled up from within.

My answer to Jesus when he asks me, “Who do you say that I am?” is:

Jesus, you are Love, a Love that comforts, forgives, and heals me. A Love that has shined now in the darkest places of my life and freed me from those unrevealed shackles that I was afraid to allow to see the light of day.

Jesus, you are Peace, a peace that surpasses all knowledge and understanding, that has now replaced the background noise of insecurity, fear, inadequacy, and the like. I now also feel your peace and confidence that is not grounded in me or my abilities but my firm foundation in your love for me. A deeper knowing that you have always, are now, and always will be with me.

Jesus, you are Joy, that is not dependent on external circumstances like happiness that is fleeting. Your joy wells up within me as I choose to breathe, rest, receive, and abide in your love. A joy that arises when I trust your guidance and follow it.

One of my goals going forward is to continue to breathe, rest, receive, and abide in Jesus, in his Love, Peace, and Joy as often as possible within times of intentional prayer, meditation, contemplation, daily Mass, as well as in my daily activities. My hope is to steadily grow in my awareness of where Jesus is present in each moment as well as when I turn away, so that I can catch myself as quick as possible and return to him.

May you who are making the time to read these words now, give yourself some quiet time to answer the question he poses to you. “Who do you say that I am?”

Trust him, rest, receive, and abide in his love, take his hand and walk with him where he will lead you.

Photo: Sunset view from on the locations I often sat at during my holy hours and was the one I referred to in the reflection.

Link for the readings from this past Mass, Sunday, August 26, 2023