I was moving the inflated mattress through the bedroom door of our apartment and struggled to do so as it was fully inflated. I made it through and got into the second bedroom. I was moving the mattress because the tenants in the apartment two floors above were enjoying themselves later into the evening when JoAnn and I were trying to sleep. Since she had to have some form of pain medication every two hours, the hope was that being on the other side of the apartment would be enough of a buffer not to be disturbed any more than the every two hour alarm waking me up to wake JoAnn up to give her medication.

JoAnn didn’t understand why I didn’t take the time to deflate the mattress more before heading through the door. Which would have made more sense. I shared with her, I was only thinking, and not fully coherently with lack of sleep, of getting the mattress to the next room and it looked like it would fit which it did, eventually.

Sometimes we don’t understand. We don’t understand why we or others do what we do. Don’t understand why we are going through something, don’t understand why we are going through something for so long, don’t understand the behavior or lack of behavior of another, something that is said and or shared. Not understanding can come from the simplest of issues, moving a mattress through a doorway, to the most complex or even life-threatening diagnosis, fourth-stage pancreatic cancer.

The disciples found themselves dumfounded by Jesus’ words today when he said, “Pay attention to what I am telling you. The Son of Man is to be handed over to men.” But they did not understand. This was not the first nor the last time the disciples did not understand what Jesus was sharing with them, especially now that they were coming to understand that he is the messiah, took them a while to get there, and now he is telling him as the messiah, he is going to die. Two steps forward and five back! We may find ourselves in the same position in our own reading of the Bible at times.

When we don’t understand something or someone, the response that is good to resist is giving into frustration, impatience, anger, or throwing your Bible across the room or something at the someone we may be losing patience with; that includes resisting throwing harsh or angry words. A good first move is to take a few slow breaths and be alright with not knowing, then step away from the situation, and ask God for some guidance. Certainly, talking to another, as JoAnn and I did will help clarify things as well.

Sometimes, just that little step will give us a different perspective because we have moved out of a fight or flight response, a knee jerk reaction, and can see the issue or person a little clearer. More time also may be needed, it could be necessary to gather more information, and we may need to reach out to ask for another perspective, help from someone we trust, has some understanding of the present situation, or person we are struggling with.

Some things can be answered with a Google search and there are other things that cannot. Let us not be afraid though, like the disciples were in today’s reading, to ask Jesus for some clarification and guidance. May we also have the patience to listen and wait for an answer. Sometimes, we have to go through an experience for a longer time to get an answer to the why, and sometimes we may not get an answer – still waiting for one regarding JoAnn’s cancer.

No matter what the challenge or scenario, we need to continue to trust in Jesus today as the disciples did, even when we don’t understand. Continue to breathe, and pray, seek, ask, and listen. Above all, know that Jesus walks with you, he cares about you and your issues, and his love will carry you when you most need him to. Hopefully, we can receive a resolution sooner than later, but our goal is that no matter how long it takes, to be grounded in the love of Jesus so as to feel his peace even as we walk in our seasons of not understanding.

Photo: Breathing, walking, praying Rosary. Good way to end the day at St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary, Boynton Beach, FL.

Link for the Mass readings for Saturday, September 30, 2023.