Jesus begins his teaching on prayer by stating that prayer is not babbling. When we pray we are to resist just saying empty words that have no meaning or just praying in words that we think God wants us to hear.

Prayer, first and foremost, is a response to the Holy Spirit moving within us, urging us to pray, “for we do not know how to pray as we ought” (cf. Romans 8:26). We are to speak honestly to God in our prayers. One of the most honest prayers I prayed was when I was around eight years old and overheard my parents discussing the idea of getting a divorce. I said to God that if I woke up in the morning and he allowed this to happen we were through. When we pray we bring our struggles and petitions, as well as our joys and prayers of Thanksgiving, and let us not forget, we are to be still and silent as well to listen for his word or his silence.

Reading the psalms is also a great way to pray because they cover the full range of our human emotions; prayers of blessing, petition, intercession, thanksgiving, and praise. We will even come across a reading like Psalm 88, which we feel does not appeal to us at the moment, as it is such a psalm of despair, yet someone is feeling that prayer and we can read and pray it for others if we are not feeling the same way.

In our Gospel today, we read Matthew’s version of the Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father. It presents two ways to pray. First, it is a rote prayer that we memorize word for word. The blessing of a rote prayer is we can pray it in communion with others, as we all know the same words. Another important gift of rote prayers is that we can pray them when we are physically in pain or emotionally distraught when we feel we can’t pray. Having prayed the Our Father daily, it is a prayer we can lean on to give us strength through the storms of our life. Praying the Our Father gives us the words to speak when we have none, and by loosening our tongues, we can come to a place where we can speak more freely with God.

The Lord’s Prayer is also a model of prayer such that each word or phrase can be a starting point to enter into a deeper and loving dialogue. As an example, we begin with the words, “Our Father.” This is a reminder that God is the Father of us all and the beginning of all prayer. His sun shines on the good and the bad alike. Our prayer begins by putting our self in his presence.

God, our Father, is with us even when we experience fear, feel forgotten, misunderstood, or alone. Our Father loves us more than we can ever imagine, and our every desire to pray is already a prayer because we are responding to his invitation to spend time with him. Calling on his name is a reminder that he is always present and he hasn’t forsaken us. He provides our daily bread and forgives us as we forgive others.

As we make some time today to pray the Our Father slowly, we can allow whatever is going on in our life to enter into the recitation and remember that the best dialogue allows each party involved to spend some time listening to the other. As St Mother Teresa taught, “God speaks in the silence of our hearts.” By making some time to pause, to be still, and not rush through the prayer, to listen silently to God, we might just be able to listen to each other a little better.

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Photo: As far back as I can remember, my grandfather prayed the Our Father before meals during holiday dinners. Who taught you to pray?

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, March 3, 2019

How we treat each other matters. How we speak to each other or about each other matters. Even how we think about each other matters because our actions come from our thoughts. If we are able to be mindful of how we think we can be more aware of our actions. We do not have to immediately react, we can think before we act. We can discern how what we are about to do will affect the person before us.

One way to put this into practice is to follow the psychologist, Dr. John Gottman’s 5:1 principle. When you think a negative thought about someone and before you share that thought, think and write down five affirming thoughts about that person. Many times by the time that you get to the fifth compliment you will have forgotten the negative quip.

Jesus is very clear in today’s Gospel from Matthew, “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me” (Mt 25:45). Because we are interconnected with one another, what we do to one another affects everyone. When we throw a stone into the middle of a pond, the ripples of the water circle out to touch the bank and go even beyond the bank. This same ripple effect happens with our thoughts, words, and actions.

St. Mother Teresa called this verse her five finger gospel which she taught each person in her order and each person she had the opportunity to pass it on to. Each finger represented the words: you – did – it – to – me. When we entertain a thought today, are about to form a word, and are about to follow through on an action, may we first look at the five fingers of our hand before following through. Would we continue to think the thought, say the word, or follow through on the action if Jesus was in front of us? Because he is. For what we do to each other we do to Jesus.

Give somebody five today!

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Photo: A CN high five moment!

Dr. John Gottman’s 5:1 principle I learned from Dr. Arthur Brooks’s discussion with Bishop Robert Barron through the Word on Fire Institute. To watch Dr. Brooks talk on loving our enemies and to consider becoming a member of the Institute: wordonfire.institute/bishop-barron-presents-nov-2019/

Link for St Mother Teresa sharing her five finger gospel starts about 30 seconds in:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL2aQWeWAmE

Link for the Mass readings for Monday, March 2, 2020

At that time Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil (Mt 4:1). Jesus experienced the temptations of Satan, the one who tempted Adam and Eve, the father of lies, the accuser, the slanderer. Satan and his demons seek division and we dismiss the reality of their presence at great risk. On the other hand, we often give them more power than they deserve. Jesus was tempted directly by Satan himself, but unlike Adam and Eve, he did not give in. Jesus remained grounded in the will of his Father and this is why he no power over him.

Jesus could have dismissed Satan, yet he endured his temptation to teach us “how to triumph over temptation” (St Augustine 1976, 87). Through the power of Jesus, he empowers us to overcome Satan and do the same. The weakest Christian is more powerful than Satan himself because we can call on the name of Jesus. This is not some magic incantation, but when we call on the name of Jesus, he, in the fullness of his humanity and his divinity, is present with us. God has given Jesus the name above every other name so that as his word is spoken, every knee shall bow in heaven and on earth (cf. Philippians 2:9-10). Just as a floodlight shines in the darkness, the darkness gives way to the light. This is even truer with Jesus. Where Jesus is present there is love, such that no fear or evil can remain.

I had a dream some time ago, I am not sure how long now, but it is still just as vivid. I was sitting on a couch on the first floor of a house. The scene shifted as I witnessed myself sitting from above sitting on the same couch and then my view was redirected to the attic. I spied a misshapen, dark figure rummaging through old boxes and newspapers. Typing this, I can still hear the rustling in my ears. This figure embodied pure evil. I was petrified as I felt the depth of evil present and then I was back in my body, sitting on the couch, and I knew this creature was now moving out of the attic and coming down the stairs to the room I was sitting in. My heart was pounding as I heard its steps drawing closer. I was frozen in fear. In a few more moments, he came into view. What I saw was not the misshapen figure in the attic, but a handsome man. As he continued closer my fear increased, I knew he was the same creature, and I was afraid he was going to touch me. Then a hymn came to mind. He stopped the moment I began to sing, my fear began to dissipate and I woke up.

Evil tends to present itself at first as an apparent good, as attractive, as normal. Otherwise, we would reject the temptation outright. Satan and his demons are active through whispers and nudges, they look for our weaknesses and through the same tactics as peer pressure, seek to inject their poison and manipulate our actions. I am not talking about possession here, I am just talking about their divisive influence. The most dangerous evil is the one masked in faith. Someone who can speak the verses of a Bible and quote chapter and verse does not a Christian make. The devil can do the same thing as we saw in today’s Gospel from Matthew when he tempted Jesus to throw himself down from the parapet of the temple.

This Lent we can embrace the opportunity to examine our conscience and assess honestly who we are serving. As with the Parable of the Talents, we cannot sit on our hands and do nothing like the wicked servant. That is the most effective tool Satan has, that he can influence us to do nothing, to be indifferent in the face of the dehumanization of the person in all of its forms. Another horror is when we rationalize what we know is unacceptable in ourselves as well as others, such as giving in to the temptations of gossip, prejudicial, and/or divisive talk, that lead to actions, such as the centurions who placed a robe and crown of thorns on the bloody, scourged body of Jesus and mocked him.

May we see this icon of Jesus, scourged, bloody, wearing a crown of thorns, and mocked in our minds eye whenever we are tempted to or justify anyone who would, even in the smallest of ways, belittle, demean or degrade the dignity of another person, through thoughts, words, and/or actions. We need to remember that what we do to the least among us, we do it to Jesus (cf. Mt 25:35-45). We need to also resist the temptation of beating ourselves up when we have sinned because that is another trap, another lie. This is so because we are still focused on ourselves, still caved in within ourselves, instead of opening up to the love of God and one another. God does not define us by our sin and our worst mistakes. As Pope Francis has said, God never tires of forgiving us, we tire of asking for forgiveness.

We need to assess our day, our thoughts, actions, and words with honesty and humility. Thank God where we have said yes to his will and followed through on acting where he has led us, where we have loved. We need not fear God but just remember to ask him for forgiveness for the part we have played in spreading the darkness of the father of lies. We leave less room for the allurements of Satan when we keep ourselves grounded not in ourselves, but in the will and love of God, just as Jesus did in the desert. When tempted, we can call on his name or sing:

“Trust in Jesus, my great Deliverer, my strong Defender, the Son of God. I trust in Jesus Blessed Redeemer, my Lord forever, the Holy One, the Holy One” (Chorus from Third Day’s song, “I Trust in Jesus”).

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Photo: Jesus covered with purple robe and crown of thorns, side chapel in the Mission San Luis del Rey de Francis, Oceanside, CA

Quote from St. Augustine in The Liturgy of the Hours. New York: The Catholic Publishing Co., 1976.

Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, March 1, 2020

Think about how good we feel after coming to be on the other side of healing from a bad cold or the flu, recovering from a twisted ankle, a broken collar bone, or other health conditions. We experience a feeling of wholeness that was missing during the midst of our suffering where we may have pondered a time or two whether or not we would ever get better.

The same can be said for estranged relationships. There is a distance of separation that can be agonizing, an inner gut-wrenching experience that gnaws away at us. We wonder if there can ever be a coming back together. When there is reconciliation, forgiveness, and amending of the brokenness of relationships, we can experience such a relief, lightness and joy, that we never imagined possible while in the midst of the conflict and separation.

Sin separates us from one another, and unchecked sin can build and multiply. The Pharisees and the scribes questioned why Jesus was eating with tax collectors and sinners, and Jesus replied: “Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners” (Lk 5:32).

Jesus is truly a light in the darkness. For Levi and his friends, who just settled for the path they were on, thinking and feeling, this is the best it was going to get, were given a choice, an invitation, a new way. A great celebration of fellowship ensued in Levi’s home because these men and women, who had been outcasts, who were separated from the greater community were forgiven, welcomed, and embraced. They were loved by Jesus as they were. They did not have to change first for Jesus to call Levi and gather with them.

They were welcomed into the kingdom and reign of God. Their ticket to reconciliation and healing was accepting the invitation of Jesus, to receive and experience his love and welcome. Levi and the other sinners did not run from the light of Jesus, but were willing to recognize their need for healing, were willing to repent, to turn away from their prior ways of life and so were reborn!

They were divinized because of their willingness to participate in the life of Jesus. Levi would continue to follow Jesus such that it was no longer he who lived, but Christ who lived in him (cf. Galatians 2:20)!

Jesus invites us each day, as he invited Levi in today’s Gospel, to follow him. We are given the same invitation and opportunity for healing and for discipleship. Will we resist rationalizing and justifying our sinful thoughts, actions, and habits, welcome the light of Jesus that reveals our venial and mortal sins, and admit that we are in need of healing, and repent so to be forgiven and released from all the energy we have expended in protecting and hiding from ourselves and our God who loves us more than we can ever mess up?

Quietly spending time daily, especially in the evening and recalling our day, by asking Jesus to reveal to us those ways in which we have not lived according to his will is a wonderful practice. Those sins we call to mind we can confess on the spot and Jesus will forgive us. As we recognize recurring actions or more serious sins, we will need a more direct human encounter by embracing the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Reconciliation is a gift of mercy and healing where we can experience firsthand the healing grace of Jesus.

Jesus loves us as we are. Yet holding on to our sin, keeps us at a distance from experiencing the greater breadth and depth of his love. We only need to be willing to be contrite, to embrace sorrow for the harm we have inflicted with our personal sins, and go to the Divine Physician in our time of prayer and/or Reconciliation. Once absolved, the heavy weight is lifted and we are healed, we are better able to engage in penance to atone for our sins committed, better able to forgive others as we have been forgiven, and to love as we have been loved!

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Photo: The Calling of St. Matthew (also known as Levi) by Carravagio, 1599-1600. Wonderful work to meditate upon for Lent!

Link for the Mass readings for Saturday, February 29, 2020

Today is February 28, 2020 A.D. AD stands not for after death or analog to digital, but Anno Domini. This is a Latin phrase that means in the year of our Lord. We are living in the age of the Church, as well as in between the time when Jesus experienced his life, suffering, death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven until he will come again.

In the Gospel of Matthew, we read today about the account of Jesus comparing himself to a bridegroom: “The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast” (Mt 9:15). In a sense, the bridegroom has been taken from us, in another sense, he is closer to us now than he was when he was with his disciples when he walked the earth. The fullness of his reign though will not be consummated until Jesus comes again, but while we wait, when we are willing to set aside other distractions and be still, we can hear and feel the beating of his Sacred Heart.

We need food for our survival, but we don’t need as much as we think we do! Fasting from food is not the only focus of our Lenten fast. The discipline of fasting provides an opportunity to keep our passions in check. By resisting the impulse of instant gratification, we are able to better discern between apparent goods and the actual Good in our lives. When we are able to navigate through the maze of distractions, temptations, and allurements on a physical level, we can begin to go deeper into the spiritual reality to begin to expose some of the demons that we feed, such as “distrust, apathy, and resignation” that Pope Francis talked about in his Ash Wednesday homily two years ago.

Pope Francis mentioned that these three demons “deaden and paralyze the soul of a believing people.” He continued by stating that: “Lent is the ideal time to unmask these and other temptations, to allow our hearts to beat once more in tune with the vibrant heart of Jesus.”

When we are willing to discipline our impulsiveness, to slow down, to take a breath, to be more mindful, we can begin to see more clearly our complacency, contempt, and indifference. We can then be more open to God’s invitation to enter into a relationship with him and each other. We can then better assume the posture of John the Apostle by resting our head on the chest of Jesus (cf John 13:25), such that our hearts will beat in the same rhythm as his Sacred Heart.

This is the gift of contemplation that drives us to service. This is the same rhythm that beat in the prophet Isaiah who reminds us in today’s first reading what true fasting is all about:  “releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; Setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; Sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; Clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own” (Isaiah 58:6-7).

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Photo: A helpful bookmark from my breviary

Link for Pope Francis homily:
https://aleteia.org/2018/02/14/pope-francis-offers-a-worksheet-for-lent-check-it-out/

Link for the Mass readings for Friday, February 28, 2020

Jesus said to his disciples and all who could hear him: “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Lk 9:23). We can best take up our cross daily by putting into practice the three pillars of Lent offered yesterday, which are almsgiving, prayer, and fasting. These disciplines aid us in resisting the temptations of pride, power, pleasure, honor, and wealth.

Giving ourselves some time to be still and to breathe deeply is a good action to begin Lent. From this place of letting go and just stopping from everything else, we can then pray about how we can put these pillars of Lent into practice for these next forty days. If forty days are too much, think about the next week, or even just today.

As we make steps to slow down and be still, we will also need to be aware of our own resistance that may crop up. We also need to be more aware of our sinful inclination to be indifferent or fearful of being present to those in need in our realm of influence. Praying and seeking the help of God to give us the discernment and the eyes to see who among us are in need, and the courage to act and to give of ourselves to others can also be a good start.

Returning to prayer throughout the day will help to establish a habit of prayer. This often is accomplished best when we schedule set times to meditate on the readings of Lent, to be still and rest in the Lord before the Eucharist in adoration or present in the tabernacle, pray the rosary, walk or sit among the beauty of God’s creation, and/or spend some quiet time reading a spiritual book, or the life of a saint. It is also good to just be silent and still. While at work, it can be as simple as stopping for a few moments at set times, say every three hours, to take a breath, and repeat a verse or short prayer, such as, “God come to my assistance, Lord make haste to help me.”

Each day it is also helpful to evaluate what we consume, what time and energy we expend, and discern, what we can fast from. Define the types of food that really aren’t healthy for us, what activities that we can let go of so we can devote more time to practices that empower, encourage, and lift up others as well as ourselves. We can fast from thinking, speaking, or acting in any way that is unkind, belittling, or demeaning.

When we put something in place that will help build a foundation for a closer walk with Jesus we are taking something out of our life that could lead us astray. Jesus guides us in today’s Gospel to take up his cross and follow him, meaning we are to discipline ourselves so as to free ourselves from that which enslaves us.

We can take up our cross today when we make time to pray, to be still, and follow God’s lead. We can take up our cross when we fast from any negative, demeaning, or derogatory thoughts, words, and actions and replace them with thoughts, words, and actions that are encouraging, hopeful, and loving instead. We can take up our cross when we embrace opportunities to give of our time, talent, and treasure to build up and provide access to those around us. Let us take up our cross today and each day during this season of Lent so to know better the One who died on the cross for us, the One who gave his life for us that we might have life and have it to the full!

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Photo: Jesus with the Cross, Mission San Luis del Rey de Francia, Oceanside, CA

Link for the Mass readings for Thursday, February 28, 2020.

In our Gospel reading from Matthew today, Jesus presents us with the three pillars of Lent: almsgiving, prayer, and fasting. With each pillar, he cautions his disciples to resist the temptation of engaging in these spiritual practices such that the focus is placed on us, such that we believe we ought to receive accolades for our efforts. The purpose of almsgiving, prayer, and fasting is to grow in true humility, which is placing ourselves in a posture of surrendering our will to God, to come to a place within our being that we can love as Jesus loves us, to will the good of the other as other for their own sake, not seeking anything in return.

We give to others not “to win the praise of others”, not even to receive thanks, but specifically because another is in need of our help. We pray, not “that others may see” us, to puff ourselves up, but to empty ourselves into the arms of our Father, recognizing how dependent on him we really are. We fast not “to look gloomy like the hypocrites”, so to draw attention to ourselves, but we fast to discipline ourselves such that we are not enslaved to our passions. We discipline ourselves, so as to walk on the path of freedom for excellence and engage in the fullness of life God made us for.

Today as we receive our ashes, and even if there are those reading who do not, we are reminded that from dust we have come and to dust, we will return. We are created, finite beings, that are given a limited time to live our life on this earth. This is important to acknowledge so that we resist the temptation of taking our life, the gift of our time on this earth, for granted.

We are also reminded to repent and believe in the Gospel. Jesus, help us to recognize and be contrite for our sinful thoughts, words, and actions and reveal to us the empty promises of our distractions and temptations. Through our participation in almsgiving, prayer, and fasting, help us to experience our restlessness, and seek not to appease it with finite, material things that will not last, but come to recognize that our fulfillment will come only when we find our rest in the One who has made us for himself, our loving God and Father who awaits us with arms wide open.

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Photo credit: https://www.cathopic.com/arito

Link for the Mass readings for Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Power and honor are attractive temptations. Power is alluring because we want to be in control. Many of us believe that control provides security and safety. Many of us believe that power provides access and control over our environment and situations as they arise. Honor has an attraction also because we want to belong, we want to be a part of. With honor and fame, we believe we will be accepted, liked, have access, without the risk of rejection.

Power and honor become a problem when they are grounded in our self and when we feel we attain them on our own initiative. They become an asset if we recognize them as gifts from God that help us to promote his kingdom. In and of themselves, power and honor are finite expressions. If they are only fueled by our insatiable desire to put our self first, front and center, we will not only constantly fall short, but we will constantly be seeking more because nothing finite can fulfill the transcendental hunger that we have to belong to someone so much greater than ourselves.

The disciples of Jesus fell for the temptations of power and honor in today’s Gospel from Mark. Jesus had just shared with them that he was to be handed over and killed and that he will rise again. The disciples do not understand what Jesus was saying to them and instead grasped at their idea of what the Messiah meant to them based on their experience and culture. He would be a powerful ruler, and so they began to jockey among themselves for seats of honor in his kingdom.

Jesus was aware that the disciples were squabbling about who among them would be the greatest, even though they were not willing to admit to that fact. He then sat down among them and said: “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all” (Mk 9:35). Power and honor do not come by being served. True power and honor come from the source of all existence, God the Creator. Nor is the infinite power of God some impersonal force that we tap into.

True power is trusting not in the material and finite things of the world because they are unstable. True power comes from God, the one who is omnipotent, all-powerful, and worthy of all honor and praise. We receive the power of God by experiencing, developing, and sustaining our relationship with him, through participation in the life of his Son and the Love of the Holy Spirit. The path of discipleship is traveled not by those who are worthy but by those willing to follow the lead of Jesus, submitting to his will, embracing the gifts that the Holy Spirit grants us, and sharing what we have received with others.

Lent begins tomorrow. May we be willing to relinquish our perceived access of control in a fallen world that is ever unstable and changing and instead place our hope and trust in the one who is our destiny, who is our hope, our refuge, and our strength. Let us let go of the desire to be liked and adored by the fickleness of others and instead strive to be true to who we are called to be. May others see no longer us but Jesus shining through us in our acts of service, kindness, accompaniment, and love.

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My classmates and I prostrating ourselves during our ordination, as a sign of our dying to self so to rise as servants of Christ. Photo credit Deacon Mike Miller

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, February 25, 2020

In the opening of today’s Gospel, we witness Jesus, Peter, James, and John returning from the experience of the transfiguration. As they draw closer they witness a commotion, for while they were away, a man had brought his son to the other disciples to expel a demon from him but they could not. As they draw closer, the father appeals to Jesus: “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, “‘If you can!’ Everything is possible to one who has faith.” Then the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe, help my unbelief” (Mk 9:22-24).

Jesus’ response to the man is clear and consistent with his teaching, miracles, exorcisms, and healings. We see that the key ingredient over and over again throughout the Gospels is an appeal to Jesus’ help and the person’s faith. What may be unclear is the man’s response, “I do believe, help my unbelief!” This statement not only addresses his experience but those of his disciples who were not able to heal the boy.

The man did have faith in Jesus to a point, for he brought his son to him believing that he could possibly heal him. His words reveal the maturity of his faith, “But if you can do anything…” This request shows some doubt. This is much different than the woman with the hemorrhage who believed if she but just touched the tassel on his cloak she would be healed or the Canaanite woman who sought to have her daughter exorcised even though Jesus initially dismissed her for being a Gentile.

The father’s statement, “I do believe, help my unbelief!”, is beneficial to us all. The father believes in Jesus to a point, but recognizes he needs help to go further in his faith. Jesus confirms that what is important in maturing in our faith life is being people of prayer. When his disciples talked to him in private, they asked him why they were not able to heal the boy and Jesus replied, “This kind can only come out through prayer.”

Prayer is not a magic formula. Prayer is about becoming aware of God’s invitation to develop and sustain a relationship with him. When we make time for God in our day and recognize his presence in every aspect of our life, we come to know him and know his will in each situation. The exorcism of the young boy happened because the father of the boy appealed to Jesus that he needed his help to believe. The disciples could not heal because they sought to do so through their own will power alone instead of drawing on the infinite source of Jesus.

The good news is that even though time and again they fell short, and we see plenty of examples of this, they persisted in their faith, in their belief in Jesus. They grew in their trust in him such that the disciples did mature in their relationship, and they recognized that apart from Jesus they could do nothing,

So much so, that we see Peter, who had denied Jesus, and reconciled with him after his resurrection, would come to encounter a man crippled from birth who was begging for alms. Peter said to the man: “I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give to you: in the Name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, [rise and] walk” (Acts 3:6).

Peter’s faith grew over time, through failure, sin, and unbelief, but he, like the father in today’s Gospel, gives us the model to follow each and every day. We can mature in our faith as well. Let us begin our day with this prayer and return to if often: Jesus “I do believe, help my unbelief.”

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Link for the Mass readings for Monday, February 24, 2020

The Word of God proclaimed is a living word. God has given his Word for all people and for all times with the purpose to shape and form us to be a people uniquely his own (cf. Deut 26:18). As we heard proclaimed in our first reading from Leviticus, we are to be holy as the Lord our God is holy (cf. Lv 19:1-2).

To be holy means we are to be set apart. There ought to be something different about us. As we read a few weeks ago, we are to be salt and light. The intent of our thoughts, words, and actions are not to be divisive but unitive, not to be a source of darkness but illumination, and not to be dehumanizing but empowering. Many times after someone speaks or acts in a negative way I hear someone make a comment along the lines of, he or she is just being human. Meaning we are fallible, that we are not perfect.

This is only partially true. We are finite, imperfect beings yes, but when we act in ways that are self-servicing and hurtful, we are not acting humanely. These words and actions are a reflection of our fallen and distorted humanity. The reality is that we are wounded by sin, but the good news is that we are not destroyed by it. We are more than our fallen nature, we do not have to stay stuck in it, and for God’s sake, may we resist the temptation to condone it as acceptable and normal!

All of us are in need of healing, and this begins when we diagnose our sickness. It is not normal to merely exist, to go through the motions, to accept a minimalist approach, to be anxious and stressed moment by moment, and to consistently assume a reactive and defensive posture.

God calls us to be so much more. As St Irenaeus has written, “The joy of God is the human being fully alive.” God didn’t create us just to survive, he created us to thrive!

How do we work to be fully alive, to thrive, to be holy? We love.

Love is not merely emotional, romantic, or a feeling, but an act of the will. As St Thomas Aquinas taught, “To love, is to will the good of the other as other.”

This is how Jesus can say, “offer no resistance to one who is evil” and to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” We make someone an enemy when we refuse to see them as human and fail to love them as brothers and sisters. We make a person other when we dehumanize them and when we have contempt for them.

These words, even the words of the Gospel, mean nothing if they have no relevance to us and if they do not change our hearts from hearts of stone to hearts of flesh.

This morning I would like to focus on the word contempt. Contempt is a form of dehumanization. It is expressed when we think or show impatience, disinterest, irrelevance, in what someone has said or at its worst, when we consider another person worthless and beneath us. A vivid manifestation of contempt is when someone rolls their eyes. 

This subtle gesture is devastating to one who receives it. If you have any extended experience with children or teenagers, you have been on the receiving end of this. But we cannot help our children or anyone else to heal from this destructive habit of contempt until we acknowledge our practice of it and heal it from within ourselves.

I am only in the beginning stages of doing so. I had heard of the word before but really had not given it much thought, nor did I believe I engaged in it. But there were times over the years in which my wife, JoAnn, expressed her hurt because of having been on the receiving end of what I now understand was my contempt, for those times I had rolled my eyes when she was sharing something important.

The most recent example was when JoAnn was packing up to head to California last May. For those of you who do not know, after receiving her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer we spent our remaining time together closer to our three adult children. In planning to pack, JoAnn asked me on a couple of occasions what clothes of hers that I liked. I shared whatever she felt she was most comfortable in. She also asked me to bring along a few clothes I wore that she liked. At the time, I didn’t get the point of her request. I was thinking of a hundred other issues and didn’t find what clothes we would be wearing all that important.

JoAnn went to California two weeks ahead of me as I finished out the end of the school year. When I arrived and unpacked, she noticed that I did not bring my pair of black jeans that she liked. The look on her face cut me to the heart.

After JoAnn died in September and I was going through her clothes, I recalled our conversation about them and realized the relevance and importance of the clothes. Since her time was limited we could wear that which we liked best on each other. I was crushed that I did not make that connection sooner, and it was then that I began to understand the posture of contempt.

Fortunately, our final three months together, God granted me the grace of being present and free of contempt. I accompanied JoAnn 24/7 each step of the way. I asked God why I could not have come to this realization sooner in our marriage than JoAnn and my last three months together, and I realized that it was my own stubbornness, my hardness of heart.

In confession, a few weeks after her death, the sorrow in recognition for the pain I caused, the tears that poured down my face, and the words of the priest assuring me that JoAnn from her new perspective could now understand helped me to begin to realize I was forgiven by her and by God.

I have been blessed in that for twenty-three years God acted through JoAnn in her life, dying, and in her death to consistently teach me how to love and for that I am grateful. The antidotes to contempt are contrition, to be truly sorry for the hurt we have caused and if possible, share that we are sorry; gratitude, not taking for granted but feeling and expressing our thankfulness for those God has placed in our lives, and love. When we love one another, heaven and earth are united, because the Holy Spirit, is present in our midst.

In three days, we will celebrate Ash Wednesday. May we use this time before receiving our ashes to examine our consciences and acknowledge where we have participated in the habit of contempt and for whom we have expressed contempt for in our thoughts, words, and actions.

Tolerance and civility will not change the polarization and division in our social, political, and spiritual spheres. During the forty days of Lent, if we can unlearn the habit of contempt and choose to be more contrite, thankful, and loving, we might begin to make a difference in our realm of influence.

We are to be holy as God is holy and that means we are to see each other as human again. We can, with the help of Jesus, become a part of the healing that is so needed in our communities, country, and world. Let us love one another as God has loved us.

God bless you.

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Picture: JoAnn and I together in the meditation garden outside our apartment in Los Angeles last June. Photo credit: Giovanna Christian

Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, February 23, 2020