“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his home (John 19:26-27).

The pain that Mary experienced while she witnessed her Son dying an agonizing and slow death is unimaginable. Then as the soldier pierced not only Jesus’ side, but his heart, her heart was pierced as Simeon prophesied when Joseph and Mary dedicated Jesus at the Temple when Jesus was an infant.

During my retreat I imagined myself in this scene and attempting to comfort Mary in her pain, especially at the moment of his death. As I reached my arm around her, she leaned into me, rested her head on my shoulder, and then began to sob. I imagined her saying, “It’s too much pain. It’s too much suffering” and she cried all the more. All I could do was hold her as she sobbed.

Jesus then said to me, “I am dead, but you can comfort our mother. Be a monstrance.” Meaning, be present, allow his love to rise up from within me and share it with Mary. I then heard Jesus say to me and to then tell Mary that he felt no more pain and he was no longer suffering. I told Mary that and said that I loved her. She smiled at me, and as I wiped some of her tears she said, “I love you too my son. I’ll be alright. We knew this was coming and what is coming next. But the brutality is just too much. Let us breath, rest, receive, and abide in the love of Jesus, my Son and your brother, together.”

We then prayed the Our Father together and this pattern of prayer she taught me.

This imagined encounter with Mary reminded me of a real life encounter I experienced when I was on the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota around 1990. Charmaine Wisecarver, if I remember her name correctly, shared about the loss of her son who had died in a car accident. Her sobs I can still hear, her pain was so deep. I hadn’t ever been with anyone experiencing such pain before. And yet a few days later, I heard joyous laughter. It was Charmaine. The two extremes hit me.

To be fully alive, we need to experience the pain and suffering in our own lives. There are many ways we attempt to avoid or go around doing so, but that not only prolongs but can increase our suffering. When we do, we can also experience a deeper fullness of the joy in life. Jesus and Mary had no filter of sin, they received the full brunt and experienced the weight of the pain of the cross. They have both led, accompanied, and suffered with me as I have entered more deeply into and through my own sufferings, and have begun to experience greater healing and peace.

That is the gift of our faith, that when we experience times of suffering, we do not have to suffer alone. We remembered yesterday the Triumph of the Cross, the love with which Jesus loved us by dying for us. Today, we remember that at the moment his heart was pierced, Mary “died in spirit through a love unlike any other since his” (St. Bernard).

Today’s feast day is called our Lady of Sorrows. It was originally called, Our Lady of Compassion. Compassion comes from two Latin roots which mean to suffer with. In John’s Gospel from today, we see Jesus give his mother to his beloved disciple and his beloved disciple to Mary. They are given to each other to support one another in their grief, their suffering, to be – compassionate.

Traditionally, the beloved disciple is John, but this disciple being unnamed can also stand for each of us. Jesus gives Mary to us to be our mother. Jesus gives Mary to you to be your mother, and he gives you to his mother to be her son or daughter. Mary has been with us during every challenge and trial, joy and celebration. If you are experiencing any suffering in your lives now, invite Mary to comfort you. Imagine yourself with her as she wraps her mantle around you and holds you close, so you can enter into the pain and experience the suffering to let it go and not only experience the peace that surpasses all understanding, but freedom and joy!

Photo: Close up of William Adolphe Bouguereau’s The Pieta, 1876

Link for the Mass readings for Friday, September 15, 2023