Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Mt 16:24).

Jesus invites us to deny our self-centered default position which places I, me, and mine (As George Harrison sang) at the center of each of our decisions. We can deny ourselves when we resist making excuses for our sins and come to a genuine place of sorrow for the pain we have caused God, ourselves, and others. By acknowledging our sins and confessing them, we die to our selfish ways, and then we rise again through the power of Christ. Empowered by our humility and the strength of Jesus, especially in the grace we receive in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we are better equipped to resist those temptations when they rise again.

We are also in a better position to then take up our cross, which is to follow the will of God. Jesus showed us the proper orientation of surrender when he said at Gethsemane: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done” (Lk 22:42). Jesus followed his Father’s will to the cross and endured horrific suffering, excruciating pain, humiliation, and abandonment, to death and into new life!

Many a mother I have talked with has shared the struggles of labor, but also expressed the joy of giving birth; many students I have taught have been exasperated by the time and effort expended for an examination, a sporting event, art show, musical or theatrical performance and yet experienced the joy from the feat they accomplished; and how many times have we faced a challenge, trial, or cleared some obstacle and felt the exhilaration of overcoming the hurdle?

Taking up our cross and following the will of God means accepting a disciplined approach to our lives. When we follow God’s will, as opposed to our own solely, apart from and isolated from God, the difference is that we are not alone in our persistent effort. Inviting God to be a part of our decision-making process and trials for our everyday physical as well as spiritual pursuits is the key.

In my mid-twenties, I entered the Franciscan Friars of Holy Name Province to study for the priesthood. In the year and a half of discernment, from time to time I would imagine my ordination day. To my surprise, I did not feel intense joy. I enjoyed every aspect of my experience with the friars and the ministries but there was something or as I soon came to realize, someone missing. I took a leave of absence and about a year and a half later, I realized what was missing was a family.

About two years later I met JoAnn, and her three children, Mia, Jack, and Christy. Six months after that we were married and seventeen years later, I was ordained to the permanent diaconate. This is the short version of the story. There were bumpy moments as we learned to grow together by being willing to see each other’s point of view, some perspectives took a little longer than others, and we were at our best when we were willing to sacrifice for and serve one another.

The journey took its roughest lurch in the summer of 2019 when JoAnn was experiencing her final weeks with us on this side of heaven. From the beginning of JoAnn’s diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, we both prayed, not that our will but God’s will be done. This cross was the heaviest to bear, yet Jesus shouldered it with us and blessed us richly in our surrender. I am truly grateful for those final months that we had together.

Grief and sorrow have their own time frame and their expression is just as unique as each individual. One thing I miss the most is holding JoAnn’s hand. In my new home of Holy Cross, I am able to shake and hold many hands. The hands of my “new bride”, the parishioners of Holy Cross.

Sometimes we who mourn, believe falsely that feeling joy again, living our lives again, is somehow a betrayal to those we have lost. There were times that I allowed that lie to settle a little too long. I finally was able to believe what JoAnn had told me, which was, “I know you will be sad but don’t stay there. I will be closest to you when you are doing things that make you happy.” The veil between heaven and earth is very thin at Mass!

Serving as a priest at Holy Cross this past month has been an incredible gift and joy. It has been one of the happiest periods of my life. That does not lessen the gift of my twenty-three years with JoAnn but is an affirmation that our years together prepared me for this time. The best way I can honor her and our love is by being a priest with a heart willing to share that love with those whom God calls me to serve at Holy Cross and beyond.

Denying ourselves and taking up our cross each day, is a grace to let go of the lies that attempt to divert and distract us from who we have been created to be and how we are called to serve best. Each day is a new opportunity to begin again, to live life anew, to the full, with peace, joy, and love to overflowing!

Photo: Strengthened and nourished by another of God’s paintings during my evening Rosary walk.

Link for the Mass readings for Friday, August 9, 2024