Jesus said to his disciples: “Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.(Jn:12:24).
In reading this verse, I was transported back to Middle School. Our sixth-grade class was dismissed to head to the cafeteria for the Science Fair. As I drew closer, I could hear some unintelligible chanting going on. Of course, I was curious and craned my neck to see over the other students filing in as we entered our destination. As I drew closer and saw a circle of kids taunting and circling someone, I stopped. I heard muffled groans and then saw one of my friends standing in the center of the circle, his forearms pulled up to cover his face. No one was laying a hand on him, but the heckling was inflicting enough damage. I froze not knowing what to do or how to act.
I don’t remember how the situation was resolved, but I do remember how badly I felt that day, and still do for not doing anything. I also withdrew from my friend when I saw him later because I felt so bad for not speaking up or stepping in. I wasn’t there for him as he was harassed nor did I provide comfort later because I was still only thinking of myself, my shame, and not his feelings or his need.
That day, I remained just a grain of wheat that did not fall to the ground and die. I was unwilling to die to myself, unwilling to stand up for my friend, and unwilling to provide any comfort. Having a better understanding of what happened now, I realize that I allowed myself to listen to the whispers of the enemy. I curved in upon myself and focused on my self. Though I felt the pain of my friend, I was not willing to apologize for not stepping nor willing to reach out to provide some kind of comfort.
When we find ourselves in situations when another human being’s dignity is being diminished, Jesus implores us to resist loving our life and assessing first our own self-interest, or we will lose it. Instead, we are to “hate our life” in this world (cf. Jn 12:25) by thinking of others first, instead of ourselves. Challenging.
We start where we are. Resist seeking some abstract ideal of changing the world in some utopian way. Jesus worked person to person, encounter by encounter, and invites us to do the same. We start with family and friends. Where there might be some tension or conflict, we can look at where we might be contributing and make some adjustments. Instead of crouching into a defensive posture, let us be more open, understanding, patient, and ask more questions. Leading with listening and loving goes a long way.
Jesus, please grant us the courage to love, to will the good of each other. Give us the eyes to see and the ears to hear the pain of another, even those we feel hurt by. Holy Spirit, inspire us to be that grain of wheat that dies to our own self-centered posture. Loving God and Father, empower us to be more patient, understanding, to listen first, and speak from the foundation of your love.
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Photo: Daily moments and times of quiet with Jesus provide a good time to reset, to receive his love, and love in return.
Spiritual Stepping Stones 