Marriage: a gift, a covenant, a sacred bond
Jesus addresses the challenge of divorce in today’s Gospel as some Pharisees approach him about the issue. Jesus acknowledges the stance of Moses in that he did allow for “the husband to write a bill of divorce” because the people were not able to live up to the prescriptions of the Torah. Jesus then sites Genesis, stating that, “from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mk 10:6-9).
Jesus, in quoting from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24, reaffirmed God’s intent, that marriage is to be a union that is to be indissoluble. The reason for this is that God intended marriage to be a covenant, not a contract. Contracts can be signed or broken. Covenants are sacred bonds for life. Marriage is also a natural ordering that mirrors on earth the reality of God who is a communion of Three Persons in heaven. Jesus building on this natural order bestowed his grace upon marriage thus elevating it to a sacrament in which there is a sacred bond between the husband, the wife and Jesus himself: “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate” is interpreted by the Church to mean that a valid, sacramental marriage cannot be undone.
The unfortunate reality is that many who marry within the Church have not been sufficiently catechized to understand the reality of the sacrament of marriage, and Pope Francis acknowledged this in June of 2016 when he stated that, “the great majority of our sacramental marriages are null”. The Pope referred to those who have entered into and have celebrated the Sacrament of Matrimony did so invalidly, meaning that the marriage certainly did happen, but it has not been elevated to the sacramental bond of a covenant.
Pope Francis recognized two things with this statement, that those who seek to marry in the Church do so with a good intent, but are grounded in a culture that is more provisional than seeking permanence. We are losing our sense of indissolubility. We live in a culture in which the acquisition of material goods that are produced and purchased are done so with the understanding that our economy has been built to thrive, not on what will last, but that which will be quickly replaced through innovation, updates, and newer models. Our consumer culture is being translated to the person and to our relationships with horrific consequences.
Jesus has set the bar and ideal for marriage high for the reason that marriage and the family is the closest mirroring on earth to the divine communion in heaven of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The infinite outpouring of love, of sacrifice and willing the good of the other, is the foundation for any relationship, but even more so for marriage. For this union is meant to be open to a third, the child. For the family to be stable, they must be present to one another, to sacrifice, to give of themselves to each other, and to encourage and support one another on their mutual path to heaven.
Sadly, there are those who enter marriage with good intentions, but not fully aware of what they are getting into, not fully aware of the truth of love being more of a sacrifice and less of a feeling, and not fully comprehending that marriage is not a trial process but a sacred bond. In addition there are many factors that work against the couple such as, the relationship meets a crossroad, a better model comes along, there is a lack of the proper social and conflict resolution skills, the realization of a false premise unknown before the marriage surfaces, domestic abuse, self centeredness of one or both, and then the choice for separation, and regrettably a dissolution.
From this choice, whether made by one or both, there is deep pain, trauma and wounds that need to be healed. Jesus does not seek disunity but unity. He does not lessen the bar as did Moses, but is present to those affected by the wounds of the separation and dissolution of the union. He is and calls us to be willing to accompany our brothers and sisters who are in need of healing from the trauma of the ending of a relationship for those involved.
Marriage is a wonderful gift, and as with anything that is going to last, those seeking to be married need to be prepared and committed to one another. Certainly, no one can prepare for everything, nor can we foresee the unannounced surprises that life can bring, but there must be at the beginning a willingness to commit to putting in the effort, the sacrifice, the support, and the love, not the lust for each other. There needs to be an openness to the possibility of children, a genuine caring and commitment to willing each other’s good through the ups and downs of life’s journey together, for better and for worse, as well as a willingness to seek Jesus for help when life gets bumpy.
I would also like to offer six suggestions from Pope Francis regarding marriage advice: the first is to end every day with forgiveness, the second is to ask permission, the third is to show gratitude, the forth is to help your spouse reach his or her highest potential, the fifth is to keep alive the romance, and the sixth is to refuse to give up so easily.
Please, please, please, remember that we are not commodities, we are created in the image and likeness of God. We are not to use one another for our own gain or just as a means of pleasure. Each of us are sacred, human beings endowed with dignity, value, and worth. We are loved more than we can ever imagine by God and we are to mirror that same love on earth as it is in heaven.
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Photo: JoAnn and me Thanksgiving 2005
Article with more information on Pope Francis’ six marriage tips:
https://www.liveabout.com/marriage-tips-from-pope-francis-2492126
The link for the Mass readings for Friday, March 1, 2019:http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/030119.cfm
Resist the sin of turning in on one self, choose the transforming love of Jesus that wills the good of the other.
What we think, say, do or do not do, has consequences for ourselves and others. The smallest act of kindness, like suggesting, as Jesus did in today’s Gospel, of giving someone a drink of water goes a long way. The reality that 844 million people do not have adequate access to the most basic of needs, safe drinking water (water.org), is an amazing and saddening statistic. The most serious of sins in this regard is not bothering to care. Jesus shared clearly, in the Gospel of Matthew (cf. chapter 25), that what we do to the least of our brothers and sisters, we do to him.
We have a choice to act in ways: that limit or provide access for people seeking such basic necessities as food, water, and shelter; that harm or hurt; that divide or unify. Jesus uses graphic, hyberbolic words in today’s Gospel, such as “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna, into the unquenchable fire” (Mk 9:41-50). Jesus does not literally mean that we are to cut off our hand or foot, or pluck out our eye, but he is showing us the seriousness and cost of our sin in this life and the next. Whether we refuse to give or provide someone a drink has consequences.
Life is hard, people suffer. When we choose to shut ourselves off from others and the wonders of creation, and retreat into our own self-made world, keeping the need of others at arm’s length; when we engage in thoughts, words, and actions that are divisive, dehumanizing, and self serving; when we rationalize and justify behavior that goes against our Gospel values and our conscience, we play a part in contributing to the condition of original sin that plagues our world. When we act in these ways, we are going against God’s plan that we pray for each day: “May your kingdom come, may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
Jesus is not calling us to jump out of bed today and amass heroic acts of virtue, nor is he asking us to change all alone and all at once. The disciples took time to get his message and get on board, so it will take time for us as well. As followers of Jesus, we need to resist the temptations of turning in upon ourselves and of being self-centered, looking only out for our own concerns. Jesus loves us more than we can ever imagine and when we open our hearts and minds to receive his love and share it by willing the good of each other, we will be transformed.
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Photo: Crucifix at St Peter Catholic Church, Jupiter, FL.
Link for the Mass readings for Thursday, February 28, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022819.cfm
“Whoever is not against us is for us.”
An elitist posture can be dangerous in that others are excluded that ought to have access. There are those areas in which there will be limited access. Select positions such as a principal, CEO, or manager. At higher levels of sports, the arts, and civic leadership, there are limited positions available as well. Yet access ought to be granted for the most qualified. Artificial impositions regarding racial, ethnic, gender, or religious litmus tests are to be avoided. Regarding having access to God, worshipping as a community, and spreading his love and word, an elitist approach has no place.
Jesus addresses this concern in today’s Gospel from Mark. The Apostle John approaches Jesus to complain that someone who does not belong to their inner circle of disciples was healing in the name of Jesus. John even shared that they attempted to prevent this person from healing. Jesus replied, “Do not prevent him. There is no one who performs a mighty deed in my name who can at the same time speak ill of me. For whoever is not against us is for us” (Mk 9:39-40).
Jesus shared in words what he modeled in action throughout his life and that is the kingdom of God is open to all those who were willing to receive him and receive the invitation of his Father to enter into relationship. That relationship with him was to then be a spark that lit a fire in those of his followers to reach out to teach, preach, cast out demons, heal, and be present to others in their need in his name. The kingdom of God is not for the select few, not for the frozen chosen, or not to be an elite club. The depth of active participation is only limited by one’s willingness to be engaged in participating in the life of Jesus.
May we hear the message of Jesus’ universal message today. May we strive to work toward seeking that which unifies us more than what divides us. May we embrace his message that “whoever is not against us is for us.” This can be translated outward beyond our tradition as Catholics. There is much we can do together with Christians of other denominations, of people of other faith traditions, and of no tradition or belief in faith at all.
There are many who are in dire need of support in our communities, our states, countries, and world. May we resist the us vs. them mentality that is a temptation on so many levels. May we resist the temptations of indifference or feeling like we have nothing to contribute. Jesus calls us to be contemplatives in action.
Jesus, lead us to pray, to come to know God our Father, and his will for our life. Help us to hear and meditate on your living word, to know what you would have us do so that we can be your presence to others in our midst. In our unique ways, let us meet the actions of division, polarization, and dehumanization, with the healing balm of unity, dialogue, and empowerment.
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Photo: CN contemplatives in action!
Link for the Mass reading for Wednesday, February 27, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022719.cfm
Serving Jesus will bring us true joy and fulfillment!
Power and honor are attractive temptations. Power is alluring because we want to be in control. Many of us believe that control provides security and safety. Many of us believe that power provides access and control over our environment and situations as they arise. Honor has an attraction also because we want to belong, we want to be a part of. With honor and fame we believe we will be accepted, liked, have access, without less risk of rejection.
Power and honor become a problem when they are grounded in our self and when we feel we attain them on our own initiative. They become an asset if we recognize them as gifts from God that help us to promote his kingdom. In and of themselves, power and honor are finite expressions. If they are only fueled by our insatiable desire to put our self first, front and center, we will not only constantly fall short, but we will constantly be seeking more, because nothing finite can fulfill the transcendental hunger that we have to belong to someone so much greater than ourselves, who is God.
The disciples of Jesus fell for the temptations of power and honor in today’s Gospel from Mark. Jesus had just shared with them that he will be handed over and killed and that he will rise again. The disciples do not understand what Jesus was saying to them and instead grasped at their idea of what the messiah means to them based on their experience and culture. He would be a powerful ruler, and so they began to jockey among themselves for seats of honor in his kingdom.
Jesus was aware of what his disciples were discussing, even though they are not willing to come clean, he sat down among the Twelve and presented to them what it will mean to be his follower: “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all” (Mk 9:35). Power and honor does not come by being served, true power and honor comes from the source of all existence, God the Creator. Nor is the infinite power of God some impersonal force that we tap into.
True power is trusting not in the material and finite things of the world because they are unstable. True power comes from God, the source of our existence, the one who is omnipotent, all powerful, and worthy of all honor and praise. We receive the power of God by experiencing, developing, and sustaining a relationship with him, through participation in the life of his Son and the Love of the Holy Spirit. The path of discipleship is traveled by those willing to follow the lead of Jesus, submitting to his will, embracing the gifts that the Holy Spirit grants us, and sharing what we have received with others.
Let us relinquish our perceived access of control in a fallen world that is ever unstable and changing and instead place our hope and trust in the one who is our destiny, who is our hope, our refuge and our strength. Let us let go of the desire to be liked and adored by the fickleness of others and instead strive to be true to who we are called to be. May others see no longer us but Jesus shining through us in our acts of service, kindness, accompaniment, and love.
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My classmates and I prostrating ourselves during our ordination, as a sign of our dying to self so to rise as servants of Christ. Photo credit Deacon Mike Miller
Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, February 25, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022619.cfm
“I do believe, help my unbelief.”
In the opening of today’s Gospel, we witness Jesus, Peter, James and John returning from the experience of the transfiguration. As they draw closer they witness a commotion, for while they were away, a man had brought his son to the other disciples to expel a demon from him but they could not. As they draw closer, the father appeals to Jesus: “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”
Jesus said to him, “‘If you can!’ Everything is possible to one who has faith.” Then the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe, help my unbelief” (Mk 9:22-24).
Jesus’ response to the man is clear and consistent with his teaching, miracles, exorcisms, and healings. We see that the key ingredient over and over again throughout the Gospels is an appeal to Jesus’ help and the person’s faith. What may be unclear is the man’s response, “I do believe, help my unbelief!” This statement not only addresses his feeling, but those of his disciples who were not able to heal the boy.
The man did have faith in Jesus to a point, for he brought his son to him believing that he could possibly heal him. His words reveal the maturity of his faith, “But if you can do anything…” This request shows some doubt. This is much different than the woman with the hemorrhage who believed if she but just touched the tassel on his cloak she would be healed or the Canaanite woman who sought to have her daughter exorcised even though Jesus initially dismissed her for being a Gentile.
The father’s statement, “I do believe, help my unbelief!”, is beneficial to us all. The father believes in Jesus to a point, but recognizes he needs help to go further in his faith. Jesus confirms that what is important in maturing in our faith life is by being people of prayer. When his disciples talked to him in private, they asked him why they were not able to heal the boy and Jesus replied, “This kind can only come out through prayer.”
Prayer is not a magic formula, prayer is about developing and sustaining a relationship with God. When we make time for God in our day and we bring him into every aspect of our life, we come to know him and know his will in each situation. The exorcism of the young boy happened because the father of the boy acknowledged to Jesus that he needed his help to believe. The disciples could not heal because they sought to do so through their own will power alone instead of drawing on the infinite source of Jesus.
The good news is that the disciples did mature in their faith, they recognized that apart from Jesus they could do nothing, they fell short, and we see plenty of examples of how they fell short in their faith. Yet, they persisted in their faith, in their belief in Jesus, and they grew in their faith and trust in him such that they came to believe that participating in the life of Jesus, all things are possible.
So much so, that we see Peter, who had denied Jesus, and reconciled with him after his resurrection, would come to encounter a man crippled from birth who was begging for alms. Peter said to the man: “I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give to you: in the Name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, [rise and] walk” (Acts 3:6).
Peter’s faith grew over time, through failure, sin, and unbelief, but he, like the father in today’s Gospel, gives us the model to follow each and every day. We can mature in our faith as well. Let us begin our day with this prayer and return to if often: “I do believe, help my unbelief.”
Photo: accessed from https://www.cathopic.com/robygfurber
Link for the Mass readings for Monday, February 25, 2018: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022519.cfm
Jesus, please forgive me, that I may forgive others.
As Christians, we are called by Jesus to live lives of holiness, with the end goal of being saints. Saints are those who are about one thing. They know what God requires of them and they do it. We are invited to live a life of sanctity as well, no matter our age or our vocation. What we need to realize is that we cannot attain holiness on our own. For apart from Jesus we can do nothing, yet in participation with Jesus all things are possible. We also need to understand that Jesus is not “just an idea but a person” (Barron 6, 2016).
We receive a demanding challenge from this person in our Gospel reading from Luke today in an excerpt from Jesus’ Sermon on the Plain. This provides a nice opportunity for us to assess how we are doing in living our life as a Christian.
Let’s look at the first two. How many of us this week have been regularly loving our enemies or doing good to those who hate us? Let’s look at these two points a little more concretely, how did you react the last time you were cut off in traffic? Did you bless them with the sign of the cross or offer another gesture? What was your internal reaction the last time you perceived that someone was rude or impatient with you? Were you rude and impatient in return or understanding and patient?
How many people have you blessed this week that have cursed you and how many people did you pray for that mistreated you? I could go on, but I encourage you to read the entire account prayerfully and reflectively. Resist the temptation to slip into rationalizations and defensiveness or to throw your Bible or computer across the room.
Jesus is helping us to understand what love is. Love is not an emotion or about feeling good about yourself because you have done something nice for someone else. Love is not about giving to get something in return. Love is about willing the good of other as other and realizing that apart from placing ourselves in a position of receiving and experiencing the unconditional and merciful love of Jesus, we are not capable of loving others.
Jesus a little further on in his sermon shares that we are to: “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” We do not do forgiveness well. Thus, we do not experience forgiveness, and so remain stuck in a rut of unforgiveness which can grow into bitterness, division, polarization, and separation. I believe if we put more effort into consciously practicing forgiveness by asking Jesus first to forgive us, for what we have done and failed to do, we will experience his love and mercy more.
Lent is almost upon us. Lent is a good time to participate in the healing power of the sacrament of Reconciliation. By doing so we experience the love of being forgiven. Once we begin to experience forgiveness, we will be able to begin to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse and mistreat us. We will begin to offer the other cheek to the one who struck us, do to others what we would have them do to us, and be merciful because we have received the mercy of our Father in heaven.
Let us seek to be holy, to live as saints, to live as Jesus calls us to live in his Sermon on the plain, which is to be about one thing, opening our hearts and minds, applying our faith and reason, as we receive the love of Holy Spirit so to love God, ourselves and our neighbors as ourselves.
Photo accessed from: https://thepassionists.org/daily-reflections/the-lord-s-prayer-our-prayer-02-24-2015
Quote from Francis Cardinal George from the forward to: Barron, Robert. The Priority of Christ: Toward a Postliberal Catholicism. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2016.
Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, February 24, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022419.cfm
“Jesus opened up heaven for us in the humanity he assumed.” – St. Irenaeus
Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain apart by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them (Mk 9:2-3).
Peter, James and John experienced Jesus’ teachings with authority, his powerful signs and wonderous works, they also witnessed his healings, casting out of demons, and forgiveness of sins, all of which, helped them to experience the divine working through the flesh. Peter had just acknowledged Jesus as the Messiah, yet he and Jesus’ inner circle were still working out what that meant. In the encounter of Jesus transfigured, Jesus revealed, not only a foretaste of what was to come in heaven, but a glimpse of his actual divinity.
Jesus is not 50% God and 50% human. Jesus is fully God and fully man. This is the Mystery of the Incarnation; the reality that the second Person of the Trinity took on flesh and became human. This is an important reality, because in this very act of Infinite Grace, Jesus, in the words of St. Irenaeus, opened up heaven for us in the humanity he assumed. The Son of God became one with us so that we can become one with him. Through our participation in the life of Jesus the Christ we can restore our relationship with his Father.
“By revealing himself God wishes to make [us] capable of responding to him, and of knowing him, and of loving him far beyond [our] own natural capacity” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1997, 52). This reality of the invitation of communion with the Loving God and Father of all creation is for all, everyone, not just a select few. Our joy and fulfillment is achieved through saying yes to the invitation from the Holy Spirit and developing a relationship with the loving God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Many may say they are happy and living a good life without having a relationship with Jesus or apart from God or his Church, and I would not disagree with them. I would only add that if we are honest with ourselves, there is more to life than the mere material and finite reality we see and experience with our senses. When we slow down enough, when we are actually still enough, we can sense a deeper yearning for more.
Even with great achievement, mastery, honor, and accumulation, there is still a lingering question, “Is this all there is?” We experience, mostly unconsciously, a restlessness. We continually search to fill this unease, feeling satisfied for the moment, but eventually in short order, we are left empty, time and time again. This unease is our soul’s yearning, our transcendent nature longing for more, and that longing is for the infinite that the finite cannot provide. St Augustine of Hippo (354-430) articulated this desire and yearning well in the opening chapter of his autobiography, Confessions: “You move us to delight in praising You; for You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find rest in You.”
The Transfiguration of Jesus is an invitation, not to reject our humanity, but to embrace the fullness of what it means to be human, as the Son of God did through his willingness to be sent, to be one with us, while remaining fully divine. We are invited to embrace the fullness of our humanity; the reality that we are physical, emotional, intellectual, while at the same time, spiritual beings. Our fulfillment and joy comes from a balance of nurturing each aspect of who we are in participation with Jesus.
Peter, James and John, as well as Augustine and the saints, embraced the invitation of Jesus to build a relationship and that has made all the difference. The Holy Spirit, the love shared between the Father and the Son, invites us to experience the same wonder, to explore the full breadth, depth, and width of all that our reason and faith can open for us, and go even further, to embrace the deepest yearning of our soul, that we may draw ever deeper into the intimacy of a loving relationship with God, ourselves, and each other.
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Photo: Icon of the Transfiguration accessed on Pinterest
Mass Readings for Saturday, February 23, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022319.cfm
“Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Mt. 18:16
Jesus asked, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is” (Mt. 16:13)?
If you heard or read the Gospel from yesterday, you may be experiencing a bit of deja vu. Yesterday, we heard from Mark’s account of this incident, and since today is the feast of the Chair of St. Peter we are hearing the same account again, although this time from Matthew’s Gospel.
Peter answers Jesus by saying that Jesus is: “The Messiah, the Son of the Living God” (Mt: 16:16). In other words, Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us.
When we dig a little deeper, another question that might overshadow the question of who Jesus is, especially since on the 14th of February we remembered the first anniversary of the deaths in Florida of the fourteen youth who died at Marjory Stoneman Douglas HS. Since that time about 1,200 more youth have died from gun violence. The presidents of all the world wide bishops conferences are in the midst of a four day summit with Pope Francis in Rome to address the abuse of children. Children have been separated from their families while seeking asylum, are still separated from their families and two, Jakelin, seven years old, and Felipe, eight died while is US custody. Governor Cuomo of New York within the last month signed a law updating their 1970 law so that now a woman has the right to carry her child to term or abort the life of her child at any stage of the pregnancy.
What does Peter’s response have to do with the above examples of the stripping of the dignity of our children? Jesus is the Christ the Son of the living God. This means Jesus is one with us. The infinite reality of God is present within each human being that exists, because Jesus became one with us so that we can be one with him. We have been created in God’s image and likeness and this is true from the moment of our conception through each stage of life until natural death.
This means that Jesus has experienced the death personally of the fourteen youth who died at Marjory Stoneman Douglas, and the 1,200 plus since that day, Jesus experienced being abused through the children abused inside and out of the church, Jesus suffers with those fleeing violence only to be then separated at our US border, and experienced the death of Jakelin and Felipe, and he experiences the death of each and every life that is aborted. For what you do to the least of these, my brothers and sisters, you did it to me (cf. Mt 25:31-46).
A culture of death will continue as long as we refuse to see the dignity present in each and every life we encounter. Human beings are not: illegal, to be objectified, property to be used, to be abused or to be disposed of. As we pray and work to bring about a culture that supports life we also must remember that pain, injustice, suffering, and death do not have the last word. Jesus suffered and died and he conquered death.
Let us place our trust in Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, let us turn to him in prayer, with our anger, our doubt, our pain, and yearning for justice and protection for the most vulnerable among us. Let us respect, be present, and support those in our realm of influence and while we strive for change, may we find some comfort in the words of Fr. James Martin, S.J.: “Life is stronger than death. Love stronger than hatred. Hope is stronger than despair. Nothing is impossible with God.”
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Photo: Circle of Longing: Tacloban Slum, Philippines by hotpasta
Final quote, came from a talk given by Fr. James Martin, S.J. given on April 22, 2014 titled On Pilgrimage with James Martin, SJ, Fordham University.
Link for Mass readings for Friday, February 22, 2019: http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022219.cfm
