At some point in our lives, we experience the death of someone we love. If we live a long life, we will experience even more of the pain of losing those close to us. I remember my maternal grandfather sharing with me when he was around ninety that he had outlived most of his siblings and friends. Unfortunately, for too many in our world, death is a daily event through violence in all its forms. Grief during time of loss is a natural human response. It is certainly not an emotion to be suppressed.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus shared: “But because I told you this, grief has filled your hearts” (Jn 16:6). Jesus was preparing his disciples for his suffering and death on the cross, but also letting them know that they would not be left alone. Even after his death, his resurrection and again time with his disciples, he would then at his ascension return to the Father. And better for his disciples that he would return to his Father. The Father will transform Jesus through his suffering, death, resurrection, and ascension. Jesus will assume his glorified body and the Holy Spirit will proceed from the Father and the Son to empower the apostles. They too will be transformed. No longer afraid, no more falling short of the glory of God but fulfilling and actualizing who Jesus called them to be from the beginning.
Of course, the Apostles were not able to understand what Jesus was talking about. Who can blame them? They had no point of reference for someone dying and rising again, let alone that he would ascend to the Father and send the Third Person of the Holy Trinity to be with them. The Apostles would not only feel the grief of the loss of Jesus they would also experience the fear that the same persecution that took him would take them. Jesus predicted no less. To be his follower, they would need to be willing to give their own lives as Jesus was about to do.
They did not get off to a great start. Even though Jesus foretold them of what was to happen, in Jesus’ final hour, they betrayed and abandoned him. And yet, except for Judas, because he had taken his own life, Jesus came to them again after his resurrection. He did not condemn but forgave them. Jesus would in a short time ascend back to the Father as we will celebrate next Sunday, and the disciples, with Mary, would experience the love and grace of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.
Empowered by the Holy Spirit, they faced what was before them head-on, even to experience their own violent deaths, except for John. The fear of death had no more power over them, their grief and their fear were turned into joy from their encounter with the Risen Jesus and the Love of the Holy Spirit they experienced first hand.
For us, as with the Apostles, grief is real, because death is a loss, it is a change in our present reality. Yet, we celebrate this Easter Season for fifty days for a reason. Death has lost its sting because Jesus has died, entered into the fullness of everything that death threw at him, and he conquered it. Jesus died for each and everyone of us so that we can also rise with him, and be with him, and our loved ones again for all eternity.
We can believe in our minds that death does not have the final answer, yet we will still feel the grief, the pain of loss. We need to be honest with our emotions, and not stifle them, thinking by showing grief that we are in some way less a person of faith. Jesus himself wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. In allowing ourselves to enter into our pain, we will experience the Risen Christ who is waiting to embrace us and help us to heal. The key is to allow ourselves to experience and feel our grief, but just not to stay there.
To experience our grief and allow it to rise up when it comes is healthy and necessary but we do need to be careful that it does not define and overwhelm us. After seven months of caring and accompanying JoAnn to her death, visiting with family and friends through Thanksgiving and Christmas, I returned home, and had some time alone for the first time. I had a two day period where I was able to experience the weight of my grief and was hit pretty hard. I was beginning to sink into a dark place. Fortunately, I received a phone call from my friend, Theresa Frettered, and she invited me to a diocesan event. I didn’t want to go, but said yes. Terry was a messenger of the Holy Spirit. She invited me to leave the despair and come up for some air.
The time of grief is different for each person. “There is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). We place our hope in Jesus, the first born of the new creation, and pray that those we remembered yesterday for Memorial Day, all those we hold close to our hearts in this moment, and those who have no one to pray for them, who have left this life, are now experiencing the gift of eternal life that Jesus won for us on the cross. Our time will come too.
This is not a morbid thought. Pondering our own death helps us to not take the time we have left for granted and choose to live our lives more intentionally, with greater purpose. In doing so, we can experience a foretaste of heaven, God’s tender care for us, even on this side of heaven. When our hearts and minds are open to slow down, to invite the Holy Spirit to come close so that we may experience his love for us. For a brief moment we will get a glimpse, that death really does not have the final answer. The loving embrace of Jesus does.
Photo credit: Losing someone we love is like experiencing an amputation. We will live, but it will never be the same. Allowing the Holy Spirit to accompany and heal us will help us to learn to fly again!
Spiritual Stepping Stones 