Some Pharisees approached Jesus, and tested him, saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever” (Mt 19:3)?
The question about divorce came from an already existing debate within Jewish circles of interpretation and schools of thought. Testing Jesus arose from time to time to better understand who he would side with. Regarding the issue of divorce, there was a range of interpretations. On one end of the spectrum, there was the School of Shammai, which permitted divorce only in the event of some sexual misconduct. At the other end, was the School of Hillel, which would allow a man to divorce his wife if she cooked a bad meal (cf. Harrington 2007, 275).
The Pharisees may have sought to understand the perspective of Jesus in this debate or they may have had a more “hostile intent” (Mitch and Sri, 239). Jesus would not be trapped and seized the opportunity to clarify: “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'” (Mt 19:4-5)? The implication here from Jesus is that divorce was never intended by God. Jesus also rejected the precept that Moses set for allowing divorce, explaining that, “from the beginning it was not so” (Mt 19:8). Jesus’ defense went back to God’s original intent recorded in the Book of Genesis, which allowed no provision for divorce.
“The definitive teacher on the Torah has just revoked the legal allowance for divorce altogether. Because the one flesh union between husband and wife is an unbreakable union in the eyes of God, it follows that divorce and remarriage are equivalent to adultery (Exodus 20:14). With these words, Jesus makes himself history’s greatest defender of the sanctity and permanence of marriage” (Mitch and Sri, 240).
In God’s plan, marriage is a covenantal relationship, as is the relationship between God and his people as was vividly outlined in the first reading from the prophet Ezekiel, and Jesus and his bride the Church. A covenant is a sacred bond that is not to be broken. “Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.” In the Sacrament of Matrimony, a man and a woman who give themselves freely, for life, to one another and are open to children as the fruit of their union, mirror the Trinitarian communion of the Father and the Son and the eternal love between them, the Holy Spirit.
Yet we live in a fallen world, and we do not often live up to what God has planned. Many marriages do not persist for many reasons, one big reason is that many marry for the wrong reasons and not because God has called them to be together. What they thought was love, may not have been the mature expression of sacrificial love.
There may have been attraction and genuine care, but instead mostly a mixture of ignorance, false premises, and impediments underneath that bore fruit only later. When a relationship breaks down, we need to be present to and walk with those who suffer through the pain of such a rupture. We are not to abandon one another, for Jesus does not abandon us. He instead loves and bestows his mercy upon us, which is his willingness to enter into the chaos of our lives.
Declarations of nullity are not Catholic divorces. An investigation reveals that there was a flaw or flaws from the beginning and thus not a valid, sacramental marriage, although a valid civil marriage. “Couples united in an invalid marriage are not guilty of adultery when they separate and subsequently pursue a lawful marriage” (Mitch and Sri, 242).
We are not to give up on marriage as Jesus’ disciples moaned when saying, “it is better not to marry.” Relationships are not easy, and they take commitment, hard work, and a willingness to sacrifice for one another through everything. When we seek first to establish our foundation with God, then our relationships will be properly ordered. Marriage has a chance when discerned properly, as each person trusts in Jesus and each other.
We need to learn how to pray, to worship, communicate, listen, forgive, be patient and understanding with one another. As we ground our relationships in Jesus, we will heal from the wounds from within, we will grow stronger in our relationships, and be in a better position to help those not only preparing for marriage but also to continue to mentor and guide them during their marriage.
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Photo: JoAnn and my hand on my breviary, taken seven years and two days ago. Loving God and each other helped us to respect, heal, mature, and become better together.
Harrington, S.J., Daniel J. The Gospel of Matthew in Sacra Pagina, vol. 1. Edited by Daniel J. Harrington, S.J. Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2007.
Mitch, Curtis and Edward Sri. The Gospel of Matthew in Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture. Edited by Peter S. Williamson and Mary Healy. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2010.
Spiritual Stepping Stones 