“It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear. At once Jesus spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. (Mt 14:26-29).
This is one of my favorite Gospel accounts. I never tire of reading, praying and meditating with it. My spiritual director about a year ago gave me this reading to pray with during my holy hour. I stayed with the opening lines – “he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone” (Matthew 14:23) – for about a month. I would go back to read the verse again at the beginning a few times and then just sit for the remaining hour in silence on the mountain top with Jesus. The time was a blessing as are those quiet hours with Jesus in whatever way he leads.
When you get past the initial verses, many times, many people focus on the fact that Peter quickly started to sink, but for that brief moment, a la, Wile E Coyote, … he “began to walk on the water toward Jesus.” Peter was walking on the water and I do believe this, as with the other miracles of the Bible happened. Often times, while I was still at the seminary, there was a great pond by the library. I often thought of seeing if I could walk across on those evening Rosary walks. Didn’t ever make the attempt. Oh me, of little faith!
The gift of this reading as well as with each of the readings of the Bible, are living and alive such that they can have an incredible impact on our lives when we read, meditate, and pray with them. Life is a struggle. Challenges, fears, trials, and conflicts pound at us like turbulent waves kicked up by strong winds. We may be tempted to be paralyzed by indecisiveness and begin to sink because of the weight of the pounding. Yet, when we trust in and keep our eyes on Jesus, who is present in the midst of our storms, we will overcome.
In many a top ten list of fears, I would guarantee that speaking in public consistently makes the top three. This is an area I have struggled with for much of my life. One incident happened about thirteen years ago as I had the opportunity to share my first reflection during my acolyte year of formation for the permanent diaconate. I must have prepared for three to five hours, writing and rewriting well into the wee hours of the morning the night before, most likely not getting to sleep until about “the fourth watch”.
Just before the morning liturgy, our director of formation informed me that there had been a last-minute change of plans and we were going to have different readings than what I had prepared for. He offered to give the reflection in my place, as well as gave me the option to continue and incorporate what I had planned into the new readings.
I chose to remain on course and offer the prepared reflection. As we processed in, I immediately regretted my choice. The winds and waves of anxiety started to batter me and continued their assault as I came up to read the Gospel. As I came to the end of the reading, a quiet peace settled over me. I then began to preach extemporaneously, ignoring my notes. There was an unexplainable feeling of peace and joy that welled up within me, and like Peter, for that brief moment, it was as if, I too was walking on water. Halfway through the reflection though, my mind directed me back to my prepared notes, and I lost the connection that I had just experienced. I sputtered a bit to the end but finished free of any major catastrophe.
After the service ended, I remained in my seat quietly for a second to catch my breath. My classmates Dennis, Hank, and Pete, who all knew how nervous I was going into this, swarmed around me like I had just touched home plate after a walk-off home run. I can still feel their group, bear hug.
JoAnn had appendicitis during her first-grade year of school. She missed a lot of her reading lessons but worse became very self-conscious from that time forward about reading aloud. During our husband/wife retreats each year, wives were given the opportunity to proclaim the reading during the Liturgy of the Hours and Mass. JoAnn did not feel comfortable nor did she want to do so but accepted the invitation. We prepared, she practiced ahead of time, and then she prayed to the Holy Spirit just as she approached the ambo. JoAnn felt faint and nervous but as she began to read, she felt a deep sense of peace fill her whole body. She was no longer fighting back nerves but tears of joy experiencing God’s presence.
There will be times when Jesus invites us to come out of our boat and step onto the water, he will call us to move out of our comfort zones. There are challenges much more intense than reading in public. No matter what waves arise though, may we trust Jesus and step out as Peter did. This will be a risk, and yes, there will be times that we will sink, just as Peter had done. But even when we sink, remember to do as Peter did, immediately call out to Jesus and he will immediately reach out and pull us up! Jesus was there for Peter, he has been there for JoAnn and me, and he will be there for you.
“Times of testing and adversity can show us where we are in our spiritual development and where we need to improve if we are to grow in Christian maturity” (Mitch and Sri). Whether we fail or succeed is not the end goal. It is that we trust in Jesus and grow in our faith and relationship with him. Doing so, we will then adjust and learn from our mistakes, and also learn to bring the distractions, diversions, anxieties, and fears that we may experience to Jesus as we keep our eyes on Jesus!
There may be something that you have been feeling led or encouraged to attempt, to start, to do, yet mental winds and waves have been rocking the stability of your boat. You may be in the midst of the storm as were the apostles. “Be not afraid! Come.” Step out of your boat, take the risk, keep your eyes on Jesus, and walk on the water!
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Photo: Wonderful memories walking around this lake each night while at St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary, even without walking on the water.
Mitch, Curtis and Edward Sri. The Gospel of Matthew. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2010.
Spiritual Stepping Stones 