conflict

To heal, we need to trust.

“You will be hated by all because of my name, but whoever endures to the end will be saved” (Mt 10:22).

Why are we talking about being hated the day after Christmas? One reason could be that Jesus, this baby whose birth we just celebrated is “the light that shines in the darkness” (Jn 1:5). The very reality of Jesus’ divinity exposes darkness, he is the very embodiment of Love that exposes evil and hatred.

St. Stephen, whose feast we celebrate today, and whose death we read about in the first reading from Acts, experiences his words personally. For he is killed for the sole purpose of speaking the Gospel. While during his persecution he sees and communicates how even the heavens open for him. The reaction to those who hear his words are infuriation and they then throw him out of the city and “stone him” (cf. Acts 7:54-59).

Stephen radiated the light, love, and wisdom of Jesus and like Jesus he was put to death. His persecutors felt threatened by the light instead of welcoming it and walking out of the darkness that held them bound. Jesus exposes the truth of those dark places within our own hearts, minds, and the very depth of our being as well. What is our response? Will we also reject the light, not aware that it is an invitation to healing and to wholeness?

We may wince at the luminous brightness of Jesus’ light and resist the intimacy of the love he seeks to share. We may unconsciously do so, because we have so often faced so much of the opposite; hurt, pain, betrayal, and lack of understanding or acceptance. Because of our past experiences we don’t want to be hurt again and so we assume a defensive crouch as the best way to protect ourselves. Unfortunately, we are protecting ourselves from the very One who can heal us from our wounds.

Yet, to be fully alive, we need to embrace the light, not hide from it. When we are open to the healing touch of Jesus and receive the gift of his light in our lives, we begin to die to our false self and the lies that we have believed. Allowing ourselves to breathe and rest in God’s loving presence helps us to heal, indentify, and allow Jesus to transform our vices into virtues. Once we allow ourselves to be loved by Jesus, we begin to recognize that we are turned in upon ourselves, and then we can adjust our posture and begin to open ourselves to him. We also begin to recognize that we are not the center of the universe.

As we follow the model of John the Baptist, St. Stephen, and the other saints, we become less so that Jesus becomes more in our lives. We too will face at times the same rejection that Jesus faced. We will be labeled crazy, out of step, simple-minded, irrational, and worse. Yet we are to resist returning to a defensive posture, to refuse to react in kind, but instead, to be present, call upon and trust in the Holy Spirit to give us the words to speak, and allow God to happen. We are to remain open, accepting of the person where they are and as they are, and share the same transformative mercy, love, and forgiveness that Jesus has offered to us.

Change, maturation, and growth is not easy. As disciples, we are to be disciplined and persevere, while at the same time remember that our redemption does not come from our own doing or will power alone. Our healing, restoration, and transformation comes when we are able to share our poverty, our weakness, and wounds with the divine healer. We begin to heal when we trust Jesus, even if only a little at first. When we accept his invitation to walk with him, let him in to our places of darkness, we will receive the healing salve of his love, mercy, and forgiveness.

Transformation is not a one-time event. Christmas is not just a day, it is not just a season. Christmas is a time to remember that Jesus came as an infant, as a savior that in no way is threatening. If we have not been able to trust Jesus, maybe imagine taking him into our arms as a baby and begin there. Allowing him to come close and hold him, will help our hearts and minds to soften and feel safe.

In becoming human in the most vulnerable way as a fetus in the womb of Mary, as an infant in a violent world, Jesus lived and thrived because he trusted in Mary and Joseph and his Father. When we trust in God and begin to know him as a person, we will see his guidance not as a threat, but as a way when we might experience no way. We can begin to experience peace even when in times of conflict and even persecution. We can resist the temptation to react in kind and instead follow the lead of the Holy Spirit for each thought, word, and action we choose.

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Photo: To learn to trust, we need to first learn to breathe and slow down. Christmas Eve in between Masses.

Link for the readings for Friday, December 26, 2025

We can choose reaction and revenge or understanding and forgiveness.

“Lord, do you want us to call down fire from heaven to consume them?” Jesus turned and rebuked them, and they journeyed to another village (Lk 9:54-56).

James and John’s request of Jesus ought to be recognizable to many, if not all of us. How many times when feeling slighted or disrespected do we want to act in kind or offer some retribution to our perceived offender? Many times, we don’t even think, we just react overtly back or we engage in our own tumultuous internal maelstrom.

Jesus rebuked James and John’s request immediately and moved on. He did not allow the rejection of the Samaritans to deter his course for even one second. Jesus had his face firmly set. His time was approaching and to Jerusalem he was headed. Also, he knew there would be a time for the Samaritans to believe. That time was not yet.

Our starting point in putting this gospel into practice is to decide that Jesus has chosen the better course. Seeking revenge is not the way. Not looking left or right, but keeping our eyes fixed on the will of God is the way to proceed. If we can agree with that as our starting point, then we can seek to understand what Jesus can teach us when encountering others.

First, our approach to others extending unkind behavior toward us is to be one of understanding. We are all dealing with a lot, and much of what others are dealing with are unknown to us. If we approach another’s unkind or disrespectful action from a place of understanding instead of seeking revenge, we will have a better chance of not reacting in kind and also possibly being able to help another to get in touch and reveal something they are struggling with. St. Ignatius’ counsel to give the other person the benefit of the doubt is a solid practice.

Often a negative response may come from misunderstandings. In giving the person the benefit of the doubt to explain their understanding of what happened in a given situation, helps to de-escalate the situation instead of adding fuel to the fire . We are not mind-readers and we also are not the best of communicators so resisting jumping to rash conclusions is a better course of action.

Along with being understanding and giving someone the benefit of the doubt, is to receive other’s action with humility. Maybe, we have done something to cause hurt toward another, intentionally or unintentionally. By taking a moment to pause, we can assess if we have done something to instigate the action we are receiving. Taking responsibility for that which we have done and apologizing for it, we create a better bridge for reconciliation.

We are responsible for our thoughts, words, and actions. We cannot dictate or change the behaviors of others nor are we to be doormats for another’s abuse nor take on their stuff either. We are to approach conflicts and obstacles with patience, understanding, a willingness to bring clarity, to give the benefit of the doubt, and humility for acknowledging what we have done and what we have failed to do. If another is not willing to hear reason after multiple attempts or closed, we move on.

We pray for and respect the dignity of the person whether we agree or disagree with the outcome while holding them accountable at the same time. Jesus is very clear that we are to love, meaning that we are to will each other’s good. That means putting the prayer he taught us, the Our Father into practice: We need to be willing to forgive.

None of these steps are easy. Human relationships are difficult in the best of scenarios, but still well worth the effort. None of us are perfect. When we do our best to follow these principles as well as other practices not mentioned to work toward reconciliation and build relationships, our conflicts will become moments of grace. Conflicts will become opportunities that help us to grow closer together rather than further apart. Inviting Jesus into the conflict is the most important step, for he can help us to see others from his infinite perspective instead of our limited perspective.

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Photo: Spending time in quiet and prayer, especially in reading the book of God’s creation, helps us to slow down so that when we return to our interactions with people again, we can begin more peacefully.

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, September 30, 2025