kindness

Jesus commands us to love. We can begin to do so by being a little more patient and kind with one another.

“I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another” (Jn 13:34).

All of creation is an expression and an outpouring of the divine love and communion of the Trinitarian love. Love, if it is true, goes out from the self to be there for the other. St. Paul wrote that love is patient and kind (1 Cor 13:4). These are virtues that flow out of our willing the good of the other as other.

When we act with patience, we love because we resist the temptation to react and strike out. We do not seek to protect our ego, but seek to understand and be present to the person. We are willing to see beyond their brokenness, we resist fueling and feeding their frustrations by not giving in to our own impatient responses, and thereby help to dissipate any growing negativity. We love when we make an act of our will to allow Jesus to love the person through us. A helpful way to do so practically is when we first feel any sense of reaction, we breathe. We slow down. We listen and ask the Holy Spirit to guide us on how best to respond.

When we are kind, we do so because we resist returning hurtful acts with acts of love, seeking nothing in return. We are kind because this is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. We are not kind in the hope that people are kind in return. We are kind because that is the foundation of who God has created us to be.

So often we do not know what another is going through. When someone cuts us off in the course of our travel, we do not have to react in frustration, anger, or rage, but can choose instead to send a blessing, that the driver may find peace of mind, slow down, and have a safe trip. We can pray that all those driving may drive mindfully so all may be safe on the road.

When someone is short or curt with us, instead of reacting by being sharp or snarky in return, we can take a breath, and ask Jesus in that moment to be present in us and minister through us to the person in our midst. We can choose to be open to loving the person as Jesus loves us, accepting them as they are in that moment, and being willing to allow the Holy Spirit to be present in our encounter with them.

Some good beginning steps to love another is to be patient and kind in the moment, to smile, and offer a hand in greeting, and be available to listen. These very simple acts do have a cost in that our ego and focus on self becomes less, but what we gain in return is that Jesus becomes more and we see each other as human beings. In these simple acts we say to the other, even before we have said anything with our words, that they are important to us, they have worth and dignity, because we are willing to make the time to acknowledge and respect their presence, not reacting to and defining them by their weakness and brokenness in that moment.

“This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:35). Let us make a commitment for today to love one another as Jesus has loved us.

Photo: Came upon this mosaic on a walk after the first few days that I arrived here at Holy Cross. Blessed to have continually been welcomed by so many kind people here this past year!

Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, May 18, 2025

How we treat one another with our thoughts, words, and actions matters.

Jesus calls us to be holy, each and every one of us. Our life is to be lived with the end goal being our ascent to heaven, to be in union with our Loving God and Father for all eternity, and to assist others to do the same. Jesus provides for us a concrete example of the heights to which we are called to reach: “You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, Raqa, will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna” (5:21-22). Jesus is building on the Torah, the Law or the Teachings, by helping us to realize that we cannot only kill with weapons but also inflict dehumanizing damage with our words.

To resist this temptation of inflicting mortal wounds, we need to start participating in a deeper examination of conscience which gets to the roots of our own thoughts, words, and actions. If we are not able to discipline our thoughts, what will follow is undisciplined words, and then undisciplined actions, which can lead to entertaining and embracing the deadly sin of wrath. Wrath is unbridled anger that leads someone away from the capacity to think or behave in a rational manner, such that this individual would no longer acknowledge the dignity of the person they would inflict their wrath upon.

Jesus never settled for a minimalist approach to our faith. He is helping us to see that we can be free of the temptation of wrath if we recognize the danger and destruction of unleashing words as weapons. He offers us the examples of calling someone, Raqa, meaning something along the lines of an air-head or an idiot, and calling someone a fool. These words directed at another have no other cause than to demean, degrade, belittle, and harm. This language, and worse, has no business coming out of the mouths of a disciple of Christ. If we are serious about being one of his followers, we need to make a decision regarding how we think, speak, and act.

I remember a moment in sixth or seventh grade unleashing a derogatory word or two toward a classmate. Even though they were loosed in jest, I felt a sinking feeling in my gut after hearing myself say them. God convicted my heart in that graced moment and I felt contrition, actual sorrow for the negativity and poison I had unleashed. I remember making a commitment to myself not to speak that way toward another person going forward.

We need to be aware that words have the power to wound or to heal. If we are serious about following Jesus, fasting from gossip and from words that belittle, divide, diminish, or dehumanize is a good practice to engage with this Lent. Jesus wants us to remove any and all obstacles that would prevent us from growing in sharing his unconditional love with one another. Instead of an unkind word we can share words that empower, uplift, and comfort or at least listen more and speak less. Even when we disagree with another’s point of view, we can do so by still respecting the person and fostering dialogue.

Our words are not enough. Our words will be more kind when we are willing to go deeper and resist entertaining negative or dehumanizing thoughts. Even when we have defensive musings resulting from another’s disparaging tone, words, or actions, we need to resist entertaining them. Instead of reacting, we can breathe, pray for the strength from the Holy Spirit for understanding, hold each other accountable when necessary with respect, and ultimately seek to love, to will the good of each other in all circumstances. We begin this by praying for one another and seeing each other as brothers and sisters.

—————————————————————

Photo: May God bless you with a peaceful mind and heart this day that you can share with others!

Link for the Mass readings for Friday, March 14, 2025

A little awareness and an act of kindness can make a huge difference.

In today’s Gospel from Luke, Jesus compares the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed and yeast. Each of these elements is not only small but they are tiny. Though with the proper environment, resources of sustenance, water, and sunlight, this seed will germinate, sprout, and grow into a large bush. Yeast, a single-celled organism, is the catalyst for assisting dough to rise, strengthen, and ferment, thus providing a more appealing and tasty bread.

Jesus offered these simple examples from everyday agrarian life that his listeners understood from experience. If we have planted seeds or made our own homemade bread, we too are in a better position to relate to these two small parables as well.

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus lives out the parables by engaging person to person. Jesus’ interactions happened concretely, through walking along the road and breaking of bread together, sharing stories, teaching, healing, and exorcising demons with his touch, and he still does so today. The smallest, genuine act of kindness or love can seem insignificant and may even go unnoticed by many, but it is significant to the individual who is on the receiving end and can reveal dramatic results over time.

There is a story that expresses this point called, “A Simple Gesture” from the story collection, Chicken Soup for the Soul. The short tale describes how one day a boy named Mark was walking home from school and came upon another boy who had tripped and dropped all of his books and many other items. Mark offered to help carry some of the load of the other boy, who, as they walked home, found out was named Bill. They talked about common interests and when they approached Bill’s home, Bill invited Mark in for a Coke and to watch some T.V. They spent the afternoon together, then interacted on occasion for the rest of their time in middle school and into their high school years.

Three weeks before their graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk. Bill shared that the reason that he had been carrying all of that stuff home on the day they had first met was because he didn’t want to leave a mess for anyone else to clean up. Bill had planned to commit suicide that evening. Bill continued to share that, after their original encounter and afternoon together, he realized that if he had killed himself that day he would have missed more opportunities to talk and laugh. Bill finished the conversation by saying, “So you see, Mark, when you picked up my books that day, you did a lot more. You saved my life” (Canfield and Hansen, 35-36).

Personal encounters were how Jesus helped others to realize that the Kingdom of God was at hand. Just as in the example of how Mark, in making the simple effort to help Bill pick up his personal items, helped to shift the momentum away from a potential suicide attempt. This action shows how Jesus can continue to work through us today.

Like a modern-day Good Samaritan parable, “A Simple Gesture”, helps us to see that when we are aware of and engage in opportunities to help and act with genuine care, no matter how small, we can have a dramatic effect on another’s life. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

Many people have a lot on their plate, we may not be aware of even half of what they are going through. That is why we need to be attentive and open to the move of the Holy Spirit in our lives. He will lead us out beyond ourselves so that we notice others. In doing so, we can become like the mustard seed, or the yeast, in another’s life. Through a smile, a hello, a bent ear to listen, we can make a connection and then offer a simple act of kindness. What may appear to be minuscule or mundane at the moment, may, in fact, be life-changing and transforming for a lifetime.

Photo: My seminarian brothers helped me to get my nose out of the books to enjoy a Marlins game back in April of ’23.

Canfield, Jack, and Mark Victor Hansen. Chicken Soup for the Soul: 101 Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1993.

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, October 29, 2024

“When tempted to answer her sharply, I made haste to smile”. – St. Thérèse of Lisieux

“Lord, do you want us to call down fire from heaven to consume them?” Jesus turned and rebuked them, and they journeyed to another village (Lk 9:54-56).

James and John’s request of Jesus ought to be recognizable to many, if not all of us. How many times when feeling slighted or disrespected do we want to act in kind or offer some retribution to our perceived offender? Often, we do not even think, we just react or we engage in our own tumultuous, internal maelstrom.

Jesus rebuked James and John’s request immediately and moved on. He did not allow the rejection of the Samaritans to deter his course for even one second.

The most helpful response to today’s Gospel is to affirm that Jesus’ response to the Samaritan’s lack of hospitality is a healthier one than that of James and John. If we can agree with resisting to react as our starting point, then we will have a better chance to seek to understand what Jesus can teach us when encountering others.

One approach to others extending unkind behavior is to be understanding. We are all dealing with a lot, and much of what others are dealing with are unknown to us. If we approach another’s unkind or disrespectful action from a place of understanding instead of seeking revenge, we will have a better chance of not reacting in kind and possibly being able to help another to get in touch and reveal something they are struggling with.

Often a negative response may come from misunderstandings. Another response can be one of giving the person the benefit of the doubt. We are not mind-readers and we also are not often the best of communicators so resisting jumping to rash conclusions is a better course of action.

A third approach is to receive a critique with humility. Maybe, we have done something to cause hurt toward another, intentionally or unintentionally. By taking responsibility for that which we have done and apologize for it, we create a better bridge for reconciliation.

We are only responsible for our own actions. We cannot dictate or change the behaviors of others nor are we to be doormats for another’s abuse. We will experience healthier interactions when we approach conflicts and obstacles with patience, understanding, and humility for acknowledging what we have done and what we have failed to do. Even with a more understanding approach, sometimes there are those who will not be open to our efforts. St. Thérese of Lisieux found herself annoyed by one of the sisters. Whenever Thérèse saw her she would pray for her and wrote that, “when tempted to answer her sharply, I made haste to smile and change the subject”.

A smile can go a long way as well as praying for and respecting the dignity of each person we feel challenged by. There is a path between aggressive reaction and passive submission. Jesus is very clear that we are to love in all situations. We will each other’s good by clearly communicating our experience of our interaction, are willing to forgive and seek forgiveness, and to love each other through our idiosyncrasies, mistakes, and sins.

Human relationships are difficult in the best of scenarios, but still well worth the effort. Above all, when conflicts arise it is important to take a few deep breathes, pray, seek, and rely on the guidance of Jesus, and when possible seek out those who we trust. In this way, we will be less apt to react, have a healthier outlet for our frustrations, and instead see some options available that will help us to grow and mature in our relationships.

—————————————————

Photo: St. Thérèse of Lisieux pray for us!

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, October 1, 2024