Gossip is a seductive and enticing poison. Many of us fall for its lure and its intoxication to greater or lesser degrees. There are many different reasons we engage. We may think we feel better about ourselves by pointing out and pontificating about other’s faults true or imagined, we may be jealous, envious because we wish someone ill, maybe someone just rubs us the wrong way, or there is a sense of intimacy with another in the commonality of talking about someone else. We may even feel justified to do so when someone has hurt, offended, or wronged us, or someone close to us, in some way. Even in that instance, Jesus offered a different approach in today’s Gospel.
Jesus said to his disciples: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone” (Mt 18:15). Jesus is drawing on his Jewish heritage. Leviticus 19:17 warns against holding hate in your heart and instead encourages seeking to reason with your brother. Jesus is redirecting us from disparaging, gossipping, adding fuel to the fire by seeking revenge or stewing in our own hurt, which will build resentment and hate. Instead, he is inviting us to seek reconciliation.
The wisdom of approaching someone with an issue sooner rather than later, also helps to get the issue out of our minds and hopefully provide and opportunity for resolution and reconciliation. By churning the negative over in our minds and talking about it with others exacerbates the issue, distorts it out of proportion, and fuels a greater emotional angst. Doing so also keeps another other, keeps them at a distance, and less human.
Pope Francis, in his September 9, 2016, General Audience was very clear: “[G]ossip is a ‘terrorist’ who throws a grenade – chatter – in order to destroy,” he added. “Please, fight against division, because it is one of the weapons that the devil uses to destroy the local Church and the universal Church.” Let us refuse to be a weapon of the devil in his plot to divide us with our thoughts or our words. Instead, let us seek to be a disciple of Jesus by advocating for forgiveness and reconciliation.
St. Paul guides us to let no evil talk pass our lips and to say only the good things people need to hear (see Ephesians 4:29). May we meditate upon and pray with this verse as well as put it into practice. With our words, we can cut, wound, and destroy, or we can convict, reconcile, and heal. We can commit to being more discerning with our thoughts and tongue, and choose to lift up and empower one another.
Pope Leo XIV encouraged the youth at Rate Field in Chicago last year on June 14: “To share that message of hope with one another – in outreach, in service, in looking for ways to make our world a better place – gives true life to all of us, and is a sign of hope for the whole world.” We can share messages of hope and make our world a better place when we take time for a prayerful pause and discern well what we are going to say before letting the words fly.
Yes, it is easier to grumble about someone than to approach them in love and work for reconciliation. But this only perpetuates division. It is worth the time and energy to be more intentional with our thoughts, words, and actions. When needing to hold another accountable, it is important to do so directly and with respect. It is also helpful to step out of reactive mode, by taking some breaths, seeking the help of the Holy Spirit, and thinking before we speak. If we just aren’t there yet, maybe we can start with a slow breath and a simple smile. We will all be better for the effort.
Photo: For guidance in conflict, let us, “seek what is above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God” (Colossians 3:1).
Spiritual Stepping Stones 