Sometime in mid-December of 2022 in the chapel of St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary, I knelt in the pew during my holy hour. I asked Jesus why I could not feel the love toward him that I felt for JoAnn. He said gently, “You have to let her go.” Then I sobbed.

Jesus was not saying I needed to forget JoAnn, or the memories of our twenty-three years together. I needed to let go of my attachment, of holding on to who she was, so that I could experience her as she is now with Jesus. She had died September 2, 2019, so just three years and a few months before that moment. As I type these words, it has been seven years since JoAnn’s death. In following the guidance of Jesus, slowly, I have been letting her go.

What has been priceless is that I still have the gift of wonderful memories, but also now the gift of short, but grace filled moments where she feels close. As I have grown closer to Jesus since then, as he becomes more primary in my life, I have experienced more of his love, and I have also felt closer to JoAnn as she is now.

To honor JoAnn’s seventh anniversary in heaven (I hope), I offer the words of Pope Benedict XVI that have provided me comfort. May they provide comfort for you too.

“Dear friends, the Solemnity of All Saints and the Commemoration of all the faithful departed tells us that only those who can recognize a great hope in death, can live a life based on hope. If we reduce man exclusively to his horizontal dimension, to that which can be perceived empirically, life itself loses its profound meaning. Man needs eternity for every other hope is too brief, too limited for him. Man can be explained only if there is a Love which overcomes every isolation, even that of death, in a totality which also transcends time and space. Man can be explained, he finds his deepest meaning, only if there is God. And we know that God left his distance for us and made himself close. He entered into our life and tells us: “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die” (Jn 11:25-26).”

Photo: My heart still soars when I see your smile! Happy anniversary, my heart and my love!!!

Full address of Pope Benedict XVI General Audience Wednesday, 2 November 2011