discipline

Denying ourselves, taking up his cross and following Jesus, leads us to greater intimacy and freedom.

Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Mt 16:24).

Jesus invites us to deny our self-centered default position which places I, me, and mine (As George Harrison sang) at the center of each of our decisions. We can deny ourselves when we resist making excuses for our sins and come to a genuine place of sorrow for the pain we have caused God, ourselves, and others. By acknowledging our sins and confessing them, we die to our selfish ways, and then we rise again through the power of Christ. Empowered by our humility and the strength of Jesus we are better equipped to resist those temptations in the future.

We are also in a better position to then take up our cross, which is to follow the will of God. Jesus showed us the proper orientation of surrender when he said at Gethsemane: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done” (Lk 22:42). Jesus followed his Father’s will to the cross and endured horrific suffering, excruciating pain, humiliation, and abandonment, unto death… while doing so, gave him the opportunity to conquer death and become the first born of the new creation!

Many a mother I have talked with has shared the struggles of labor, but also expressed the joy of giving birth; many students who I taught were exasperated by the time and effort expended for an examination, a sporting event, art show, musical or theatrical performance and yet experienced the joy from the feat they accomplished; and how many times have we faced a challenge, trial, or cleared some obstacle and felt the exhilaration of overcoming the hurdle?

Taking up our cross and following the will of God means accepting a disciplined approach to our lives. When we follow God’s will, as opposed to our own apart from God, the difference is that we are not alone in our persistent effort. Seeking God’s will in the midst of our discernment and trials for our everyday physical as well as spiritual pursuits is the key.

In my mid-twenties, I entered the Franciscan Friars of Holy Name Province to study for the priesthood. In the year and a half of discernment, from time to time I would imagine my ordination day. To my surprise, I did not feel any joy. I enjoyed every aspect of my experience with the friars and the ministries but there was something or someone missing. I took a leave of absence and about a year and a half later, I realized what was missing was a family.

About two years later I met JoAnn, and her three children, Mia, Jack, and Christy. Six months after that we were married and seventeen years later, I was ordained to the permanent diaconate. This is the short version of the story. There were bumpy moments as we learned to grow together by being willing to see each other’s point of view, some perspectives took a little longer than others, and we were at our best when we were willing to sacrifice for and serve one another.

Our greatest challenge came almost six years ago when we experienced JoAnn’s final weeks this side of heaven. From the beginning of JoAnn’s diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. This cross was the heaviest to bear, yet Jesus shouldered it with us and blessed us richly in our surrender. I am truly grateful for those final months that we had together.

When the realization that JoAnn wasn’t coming back finally sank in about a year and a half later, I decided I needed to learn to live again without her. I followed JoAnn’s advice to put all options on the table and over some months whittled eight choices down to two. Standing in our bedroom, I pondered whether to leave teaching for a year and collapse or pursue the priesthood.  I then asked God, “What do you want me to do?” A quiet voice within confirmed, priesthood. My body sank but my spirit soared.

I would be accepted into the seminary to study for the priesthood and with the support of some great people and the strength of the Holy Spirit guiding and carrying me, I made it through to my ordination day. This time I anticipated ordination with joy, but there was a lingering feeling that I was betraying JoAnn by going ahead and living my life without her. We need to be careful what voices we listen to! The Father of lies seeks to wreak havoc but the Holy Spirit invites us to experience freedom, healing, and wholeness.

Some of the doubt lingered into my ordination Mass, until the moment when each priest walked by, placed their hands on our heads while each remained silent. About half way through the progress, one priest leaned close and whispered, “Your wife has the best seat in the house.” The tears began to flow and purify the lies. During the Eucharistic Rite, for a moment, I felt JoAnn with me, helping to realize that I was actually celebrating my first Mass as a priest, concelebrating with our bishop.

A few months later, I realized that I could be happy again. I was not happy JoAnn had died (which enemy fed me), I was happy because I was following the will of God. JoAnn told me that I would be sad but not to stay there and that she would be closest to me when I was doing that which made me happy. I have also come to realize that during the Mass, because of the presence with Jesus, the veil between heaven and earth is so thin.

When Jesus calls us to “deny ourselves”, he is talking about denying those attachments and disordered affections that we have to things and people, which is anything and anyone we place before God. When we are willing to surrender all and follow Jesus, allow the purifying fire of the love of Holy Spirit to burn the dross of our sin, attachments, and apparent goods away, we will experience the love and intimacy with God we have been created for, and experience a freedom we never thought possible.

Photo: Blessed and filled with joy to be serving in the priesthood of Jesus Christ.

Link for the Mass readings for Friday, August, 8, 2025

Let us honor God with open minds and hearts to his will.

Jesus reacted to the criticism of not observing ritual washing prior to eating that was leveled at him from the Pharisees and scribes by recalling the tradition of the Prophets through the words of Isaiah: “This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Mk 7:6). For Jesus, following the law for the law’s sake is an empty act. What is more important is encountering God, experiencing his love and forgiveness, developing a relationship with him, being transformed by him, and restoring what has been lost. Human beings were created in God’s image and likeness, but through sin, lost that likeness. Jesus sought to help bring God’s children back into right relationship with his Father so as to be able to glorify him by serving others and inviting others into communion with him. Jesus challenged the hyper scrupulosity and exactitude of the rules that had nothing to do with being humble servants of and growing in relationship with God.

Just laws and practices are enacted to build up and empower through discipline and clear boundaries. They help keep us from being enslaved to our passions and sins and instead lead us to freedom for excellence, for fulfillment, and to experience a heart on fire with an ever-growing love that yearns for a relationship with God and each other, like a deer does for running streams.

As with any game we play, there are rules and regulations, there are referees and officials to keep order. When the rules enforced encroach on the flow of the game, such that they inhibit the freedom of play, the game is stunted. When there is no enforcement, the game quickly devolves into chaos. When the rules are consistent, they provide the structure and boundaries that limit abuse, allow for the game to flourish, and the players to experience the freedom to actualize their potential, and as such, there is the experience of the true, the good, and the beautiful.

The first time I saw people skate, at around seven years, I was enraptured. My father was working on a project at our local, ice rink. We had not gone there to skate, and yet, I refused to leave until he took me on the ice. It didn’t matter that the only skates to fit my feet were figure skates or that my first attempt was a dismal failure. What mattered was that I made it to the ice and the joy of that experience inspired me as I learned the rules of balance, how to stop, and what a toe kick was and was not for. Soon I had the freedom not only to skate but to join a hockey team. The freedom and joy I felt any time I skated or played hockey, I still carry with me.

The Church, when we are at our best, is the same. We don’t lead with the rules and moralizing, but instead, we share our time, presence, and the joy of our faith. We empower and support one another as we enter into the play between our finite freedom and God’s infinite freedom. We have been created for and seek a deep and intimate relationship with him that will lead us to a deeper transformation of our hearts and minds. With both open to God’s guidance, we can better identify and discern between the voice of the enemy and God. There is a unique balance between the rules and the freedom of play in ice skating as well as our relationship with God.

Loving someone does not mean we allow them to do whatever they want, but in willing their good, we offer invitations, options, establish boundaries, and offer corrections, that will provide opportunities for growth, maturity, and authentic freedom. We are going to make mistakes, I have made plenty. The key is recognizing that we are on a journey together. As we walk together, we support and learn from one another. In this way, the boundaries and rules we follow are meant to set a foundation for healthy relationships and actualizing who God invites us to be; joyful, human beings that are fully alive!

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Photo: Getting back on the ice with Jack and Christy, Christmas Eve day, 2023, in the city of my birth, Hartford, CT.

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, February 11, 2025

May we grow where we are planted as we hear, accept, and put into practice God’s word.

Each of the elements of the Parable of the Sower is worthy of meditation and reflection. A very good practice would be to take some time to reflect on each aspect and ask what limits the germination and growth of the seeds God has sown in our lives, and also what helps us to bring about successful growth and a successful yield. When did we experience God’s word but have it almost immediately snatched away; when did we gain an insight, experience joy from his word and guidance, but did not in any way put the learning into practice; how many times have trials, hardship, lack of courage, or outright persecution, tempted us from stretching out of our comfort zone, and we instead withdrew, not wanting to risk growth?

Many of us can relate to: “Those sown among thorns are another sort. They are the people who hear the word, but worldly anxiety, the lure of riches, and the craving for other things intrude and choke the word, and it bears no fruit” (Mk 4:18-19). Distractions and diversions pull at us from within and without, from one second to the next. So much seeks to undo us, tear us down, and drive us into states of anxiety, despondency, cynicism, and depression. So many apparent goods and false truths entice us and feed our desires for power, wealth, fame, and pleasure. Material temptations offer promises of fulfillment but shortly after the purchase leave us feeling empty. All the while, there is so much good that needs to be done and so much work to do. Even if we are willing to look beyond ourselves to be of help, we may not even be sure how to serve or where to begin.

Jesus offers us, with the Parable of the Sower, his promise, that when we prepare our hearts and minds to receive his word it is like tilling rich soil. The seeds that he sows within will then sprout, mature into a plant, and continue grow to bear much fruit. To have this rich soil means we need to break into those areas of hard ground:  the hardness of our hearts, prejudgments, and pride. We also need to be willing to cut away the vines as we face our fears and insecurities.

We often react from a defensive posture or give in to our immediate impulses. These weeds can choke our new growth. When we take a moment to inhale deeply, discern each thought, situation, purchase, and action, pray and seek God’s guidance, rely on trusted family, friends, colleagues, and classmates for guidance, these counter actions are like weeding out our immediate reactions and impulsive thoughts. Pruning happens when we learn from past experiences and resist giving into past habitual choices.

With consistency and discipline over time, as we surrender more to our Father’s will, continue to be nourished by his word, accept and put his guidance into practice, trust in him and not the temptations that entice, distract, divert, and disrupt our growth, we will see sprouts begin to grow, soon mature plants will flourish, and we will “bear fruit thirty and sixty and a hundredfold” (Mk 4:20).

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Photo: Saw this first bloom of the season this past Sunday morning on the way to Mass.

Link for the Mass readings for Wednesday, January 29, 2025

God’s commandments are invitations to grow in love.

Two points jump out of the Gospel of John today: commandments and love. How is each one of these related to living life as a disciple of Jesus? Often, many who hear the word commandments, often react, and are immediately put off. “There goes the Church again telling me what I can and cannot do.” Yet what Jesus is doing showing how the following of his commandments is a true expression of loving him.

Love is another word that evokes reactions. One reason is that, even though the English language has a plethora of words to utilize and choose from, there is only one word for love, and it is interpreted in many ways. In Ancient Greek, there are four words that are used to connote love. There is eros, which has to do with attraction. It is the beginning stage of love because we are drawn out of ourselves as we are attracted to another. The next word for love is philios, which has to do with friendship. This is the love between friends. If our love matures it moves from attraction or infatuation to friendship. The third word is storge or the deeper love shared with family members. The fourth word is agape, which is unconditional love.

When Jesus shares that we are to follow the commandments, he is not demanding that we do so as a tyrant. He is providing the boundaries and parameters for us to grow and mature as people who love, who, in the words of St Thomas Aquinas, will the good of the other as other. As humans, we are social beings. We want to belong, to be accepted, and to be a part of. We seek meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. This is best done through cooperation and collaboration with God and one another, striving for agape, to love unconditionally.

If we operate from a self-centered posture in which we are only turned in upon ourselves, and we only seek to manipulate and get from others, instead of working together and sharing a common vision with others, we will ultimately be empty with the exchange on any level, because we will be left wanting more. This is true because once the immediacy of the stimulation, whether material or sensual, ends, so does the experience of the feeling. Some happiness may linger from the effect, but we will never be filled or satisfied with anything finite. We will continue to seek more and more until the pursuit of instant and constant gratification ensnares us and we are entangled in a web of addiction.

The commandments, grounded in love, are meant to provide boundaries for us, training wheels, and to keep us free from enslavement to sin, while at the same time help us to be persons who move away from being self-centered to maturing as other-centered instead. Discipline in this way is meant to be a means of freedom for excellence such that we can become who God calls us to be and who we truly desire to be. Ultimately, we are to love God as he loves us and love our neighbor as ourselves in our own unique way. God is not in competition with us. He is our biggest fan. As St Irenaeus wrote, the glory of God is the human being fully alive!

Commandments and morality imposed, is a bludgeon. Love and mercy without accountability and justice can be enabling. Jesus provides the blueprint for a balanced both/and approach of invitation and shepherding. May we surrender to his loving guidance and correction, align ourselves with the Holy Spirit, who is the Love expressed and shared between the Father and the Son. May we seek ways to improve our lives, to be more honest with our weaknesses, so Jesus can be our strength, and to seek God when we are tempted to choose him so he can lead us away from the enticement to sin, and seek his forgiveness when we have fallen.

As we journey in this life, we do not do so alone. As we seek to follow Jesus’ lead, as we grow and mature, we do so while in the midst of encountering and forming relationships with others. Conformed by following the commandments, we are to reach out in love to each other as Jesus has done with us. As we form and deepen our relationships, new and old, may we encourage, support, and love one another while at the same time, challenge and hold each other accountable as we strive to be who Jesus invites us to be.
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Photo: The discipline of nightly Rosary walks over these past two years has been a blessing! St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary, Boynton Beach, FL.

Link for the Mass readings for Monday, April 29, 2024

Discipline and love can lead to freedom.

Jesus reacted to the criticism of not observing ritual washing prior to eating that was leveled at him from the Pharisees and scribes by recalling the tradition of the Prophets through the words of Isaiah: “This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Mk 7:6). For Jesus, following the law for the law’s sake is an empty act. What is important is encountering God, experiencing his love and forgiveness, developing a relationship with him, being transformed by him, and restoring what has been lost from being created in his image and likeness, so as to be able to glorify him by serving others and inviting others into communion with him. Jesus challenged the hyper scrupulosity and exactitude of the rules that had nothing to do with being humble servants of God.

Just laws and practices are those that are enacted to build up and empower people through discipline and clear boundaries. They help keep us from being enslaved to our passions and sins and instead lead us to freedom for excellence, for fulfillment, and to experience a heart on fire with an ever-growing love that yearns for a relationship with God and each other, like the deer that yearns for running streams.

As with any game we play, theatrical or musical performance, there are rules and regulations, there are referees, officials, directors, and conductors to keep order. When the rules enforced encroach on the flow of the game or performance, such that they inhibit the freedom of play, the communal interplay is stunted. When there is no enforcement, the opposite happens and all devolves into chaos. When the rules are consistent, they provide the structure and boundaries that limit abuse, allow for a freedom to flourish, and all those engaged to experience the freedom to actualize their potential, and as such, there is the experience of the true, the good, and the beautiful.

The first time I saw people skate, I was enraptured. I think I was seven. My father was working on a project at our local ice rink and even though we were not there to skate, I refused to leave until he took me on the ice. It didn’t matter that the only skates to rent that fit my feet were figure skates. It didn’t matter that my first attempt was a dismal failure. What mattered was that I made it to the ice and the joy of that experience carried me as I learned the rules of balance, how to stop and what a toe pick was and was not for. Soon I had the freedom not only to skate but to join a hockey team. The freedom and joy I felt any time I skated or played hockey, I still carry with me to this day.

The Church, when we are at our best, leads love and joy of what we believe and live in our everyday lives. We don’t lead with the rules and moralizing, but instead, we share our time, presence, and the joy of our faith. We empower and support one another as we enter into the play between our finite freedom and God’s infinite freedom. We are built for a relationship with God and one another and as our relationships mature, we start to learn and share the finer points of our life of faith. We experience the meaning of why we do what we do and why certain thought patterns and actions lead us either away from or closer to God. There is a unique balance between the rules and the freedom of play.

Loving someone does not mean we allow them to do whatever they want, but in willing their good, we offer practices of discipline, invitations, options, corrections, critiques, which establish boundaries that will provide opportunities for growth, maturity, and authentic freedom and we are open to receive the same. We are going to make mistakes, I have made many. Those we let into our lives will make mistakes. The key is recognizing that we are on a journey. As we walk together, when we are willing to be patient, understanding, forgiving, and kind, we will better support and learn from one another. In this way, the boundaries, disciplines, and rules we follow are meant to set a foundation for healthy relationships and actualizing who God invites us to be; joyful, human beings that fully love and are alive!

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Photo: Back on the ice over Christmas break at Bushnell Park, Hartford, CT!

Link for the Mass readings for Tuesday, February 6, 2024