Uncertainty, upheaval, and unrest in our country and world appear to be the water we are all swimming in right now. Our readings give us some guideposts for hope and light to help us to see through the haze to what and who truly matters.
In our first reading from the Second Book of Kings, we are introduced to the Shunammite woman and the prophet Elisha. Upon their first meeting, the Shunammite woman invites Elisha to have dinner with her. There is no evidence that they knew each other at that point. She recognized his need after traveling and offered him hospitality. Their time together must have been positive because Elisha continued to visit with this woman and her husband each time he came through the area. Their friendship grew to such a point that she was even willing to have a room built for him to stay. What began with a simple gesture of empathy and hospitality would be blessed with new life.
There is an echo here of the Genesis account where three men come to visit Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 18:1-15). Abraham immediately invites the men to stay with them and appeals to Sarah to make bread and he would go and he would fetch a calf. Their welcome and hospitality are met with the praise that when they return the following year, Sarah would be with child.
We may not have the opportunity to invite a three Persons of the Trinity or a prophet to dine or live with us in our homes, but we can start with some smaller acts of interaction. When our kids, no longer kids anymore but adults, returned home from California to visit on holidays, my wife, JoAnn, would take them to Publix to stock up on food for their stay. They were constantly amazed at how many of the workers there knew their mom.
The reason was that JoAnn took small moments during each visit to interact with them. Initially, she would say hello and ask how they were doing, then slowly on subsequent visits got to know a little more about their families and their lives. Instead of rushing through the store and taking the presence of the workers for granted, JoAnn saw real people with real lives and built real relationships through small gestures of empathy.
In our Gospel reading, Matthew records Jesus saying to his apostles: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Mt 10:37). This may seem the exact opposite of the hospitality that we just encountered! These words would have been abhorrent to the people of his time. Family ties meant everything. Jesus is sounding more like a gang leader than a messiah. They need to be loyal to him first and foremost even before their own parents or children.
Jesus was making two key points. First, he is restating the Ten Commandments in that our most important relationship, even more than our family, is to be with God. You are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, your mind, and your strength. We are to put God first before all things and all people, even family. Second, and even more startling, Jesus is equating himself with God which is the only way this statement makes any sense. Jesus is no mere rabbi, teacher, or prophet. Jesus is the Son of God incarnate. As we deepen our relationship with Jesus and follow him first before all, we will not only grow closer to God, our relationships, our activities, our very thoughts, words, and actions will be more properly ordered.
To enter the diaconate program, the wife of the applicant must sign that she is in agreement with the process and that goes right up until the day of ordination. If she is not on board, she can pull the plug at any time. Initially, JoAnn was not fully behind the idea. With the challenges to my time already high because of the demands of my teaching schedule, formation would add more challenges. I was taking a risk even presenting the idea to JoAnn. Yet, I believed Jesus was calling me forward. We both trusted that this was God’s will and we followed through with formation, to ordination, and beyond.
There were indeed challenges and tensions because of this decision and we learned to lean on Jesus through each ebb and flow. God first in our lives, meant changes and sacrifices made for each other, and fortunately, we didn’t grow apart but together. And growing not only closer to God and each other but we grew closer in our relationships at our parish of St Peter and Cardinal Newman HS where I taught then as well.
Not to be left in the lectionary gathering dust, in our second reading, St Paul helps us to understand that our relationships even transcend death. For those of us who have been “baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death” (Romans 6:3). Jesus has conquered death and he has risen and will die no more. This he promises for us as well. Those who have died with Christ shall rise with him. Death does not have the final say, Jesus does.
In three months, it will be seven years since JoAnn died. We shared twenty-three wonderful years together. She taught me how to be less selfish, less contemptuous and judgmental, she taught me how to come out of myself and how to love. In the first few months after her passing, I was having trouble recalling memories of our time together and began to fear that I would forget her. Over those first months and first two years, I realized that the sorrow and grief of loss was strong and I had been holding on too tightly to who I lost.
The past five years has been a time of healing and letting go of my grip. I have started not only to experience some spontaneous memories like her laugh while doing the dishes one night, her presence when I made time for walks, and activity we did almost nightly, but even more wonderful, feeling brief moments of her being close in unexpected moments, especially during Mass.
JoAnn had often tried to think of a business idea that we could all do as a family. Our youngest daughter, Christy, came up with a creative business idea a few years back and shared it with me. I was still living in our home then, and after our discussion went out to mow. As I was thinking about Christy’s idea, and after a few circles around the lawn, I felt this deep feeling of joy and warmth in my chest, and tears welled up in my eyes. I knew it was JoAnn’s joy that Christy was adopting JoAnn’s entrepreneurial spirit.
So yes, we are continuing to experience times of uncertainty, upheaval, and unrest. What has helped me is to not focus on what is beyond my control but what is in my sphere of influence. What has helped me tremendously has been setting non-negotiable practices to spend with God throughout the day. I am just as busy now if not more than I have ever been, but find myself less defined by my external circumstances. I feel much less anxious and stressed, even when the external wave of activity and demands become overwhelming.
What was true during the time of our biblical readings is still true for us today. God must be first in our lives, he calls us to be in a relationship with him and each other, and the more we attend to both, the better we will weather the storms, even death, and the more joyful we will be even as we go through trials together.
We can’t change the country and the world, but we can change ourselves. We can reach out to others in our realm of influence. Wherever and whenever we interact, we can make an extra effort to be understanding, kind, respectful, and hospitable. We can resist taking each other for granted and be more present and listen to one another and our stories. We can choose to resist reacting to and instead see each other as God sees us.
Then as we begin to change, and those around us change that can begin to ripple out to begin to bring healing and reconciliation to the many who need to experience it. Life is short, even in the best of circumstances. God loves us more than we can ever imagine with a love that even transcends death. When we experience God’s love, we will seek him more. Let us make a deeper commitment today to love God first so to better love ourselves and one another as God loves us.
Photo: Taking up our cross as Jesus did will help us to keep our eyes fixed on him, who is our light through the darkness.
Spiritual Stepping Stones 