narrow-gate

We enter the narrow gate by growing in love.

He answered them, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough” (Lk 13:24).

Jesus offered this answer to the person who asked him, “Lord, will only a few be saved?” Jesus’ parables about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven (cf Mt 19:24) and the rich man and Lazarus (Lk 16:19-31) also reveal to us that what we say and do in our lives regarding the welfare of others matter. Are we building walls or bridges regarding our relationship with God and one another, are we including or excluding?

There are many distractions, diversions, and temptations that pull at us. When we give in to them, we can strain or even break our relationships. Jesus said many will not be strong enough, and on our own he is right. St Paul also realized this, for he wrote, “I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil that I do not want” (Romans 7:19). How many of us could say the same?

Relationships are not easy in the best of circumstances, this is true on the human level as well as the spiritual. St Teresa of Avila, the 16th-century Spanish saint and doctor of the Church, shared openly and honestly with Jesus once after being thrown from a carriage into a mud puddle, “If you treat your friends so poorly, it is no wonder that you have so few!” I relate to the honesty of this quote. My maternal grandparents had the same kind of open, unfiltered relationship with each other. To an outsider looking in, they would have missed the depth of love they had developed for one another for over sixty years and which continued to grow into their last days.

Authentic relationships demand that we go through the narrow gate of love. Love is more than mere sentiments, emotions, or feelings. We must grow in our willingness to sacrifice, be committed, understanding and forgiving, to be present, patient, willing to risk being vulnerable, honest, respect boundaries, and share who we truly are with one another, free of any pretense or masks. On our own, we are not strong enough to persevere, often our insecurities seek to keep us unbalanced, but with God, we will remain faithful and grounded.

Regarding marriage, my grandmother told me to take the time we needed to get to know each other, but once we knew, not to wait too long. We didn’t. JoAnn and I were married six months after we started dating. Each of us brought our own baggage, wounds, and made plenty of mistakes, into our relationship, yet each year was better than the one before because we remained committed to God and to each other. We became more patient and understanding, we empowered and were there for each other. Each of the crossroads that arose over our twenty-three years, we chose the narrow gate. We loved Jesus and each other and that made all the difference.

Jesus is the relationship we need to develop first and foremost. That means other people and things will not be able to remain. This is good news, because that which will not remain is not for our good. Growing in our relationship with Jesus takes time and commitment, and doing so will help us to properly order our other relationships as well as all aspects of our lives. Our Father is our foundation and strength and the Holy Spirit is our guide. God continually invites us with his tender chords of love to draw closer into relationship with him and so to better grow closer in relationship with one another.

Photo: Because our relationship and commitment with Jesus grew, so did our relationship and commitment with one other.

Link for the Mass readings for Wednesday, October 29, 2025

Prayer will help us to heal and grow closer to God and each other.

“Lord, will only a few people be saved?” He answered them, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough (Lk 13:23-24).

This can be a challenging verse to understand and to put into practice. Our salvation is assured in Christ, for he died for all of us and not just for a select few. It is also true that there is no way we can buy or nothing we can do to earn our way into heaven. That said, with the free gift of the grace we have been given by Jesus in the giving of his life for us, we have a responsibility to work out our salvation in this life, “with fear and trembling” (see Philippians 2:12).

Christianity is not a pie in the sky or walk in the park religion, we do not seek a utopia, because Christianity is about a relationship. God loves us and gives us the choice to reject or accept his love. If we say yes, then we collaborate in building a relationship with him and one another. Our fear and trembling is not in a cowering observance, but through humble obedience. We recognize that God is God and we are not. When our relationship with God is properly understood, when he is first, then our relationships with each other as well as what we do and what we seek will stand a better chance of being properly ordered.

Authentic relationships take an investment of time and hard work if those relationships are to move beyond the masks and pretenses we project, pretending to be something we are not or trying to be who others want us to be. This is the same for God. We can pray falsely and for false purposes, and in so doing, grow no closer in our relationship with God. Jesus loves us as his Father loves him, and he invites us to experience the same. This is more than an emotional experience, but a willing of each other’s good. Love is accepting the other as other, in their brokenness and pain, their failings and shortcomings, their sin. It means being willing to take off our masks, being vulnerable, revealing our fears, and resist being defensive or reactive when we are hurt or offended by those who are close to us.

Our prayer becomes real, not when we say the right prayers or words, but when we are honest with God. Our relationship with him grows when we let go of our false understanding that we are self-reliant and we admit that we need the help of the Holy Spirit. When we trust in God, are humble and honest with him, allow ourselves to see our weakness and sin, we can begin to be loved and begin to heal, we can be forgiven and transformed.

When we approach our human relationships, love does not mean that we endure physical and emotional manipulation and abuse, for then we are enabling someone’s destructive behavior. The goal of healthy relationships is to mutually respect each other’s boundaries, be willing to support and empower one another and grow together. We accept each other as we are, while at the same time, we are willing to accompany one another as we seek to hold each other accountable, grow in our relationship with God and who God calls us to be.

Every relationship, if it is to grow and develop, will at some point, come to a cross-road, a narrow gate, in which each person needs to make a decision. We can remain stubborn, hold our ground, and build up a wall, or we can instead work through the conflict, be honest, risk sharing what we truly believe, allow another to see our best and our worst, admit when we have been wrong or made a mistake, and then mutually support one another, as well as get the help from counseling or spiritual direction as needed.

Healing and growing together happens when we are willing to enter into and seek the root of the conflicts, to each own the parts we have played, and have the humility to say, I am sorry or I forgive you. We heal when we are willing to uncover the underlying issues below the surface, that is most likely veiled by our insecurities, anxieties, and fears. What can help us to feel safe and move toward healing and transformation is the willingness to invite God into our relationship through personal and mutual prayer.

Prayer is the most important thing we can do each day. The light of the Holy Spirit will help us to identify and let go of the baggage we carry and identify the voices we are listening to. Is it the father of lies or the Father who loves us more than we can imagine? Spending time with God and allowing the fire of his love to burn freely anything that is not of him, will help us to discern between the enemy’s voice and God’s. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life who seeks to lead us each step of the way to more intimate relationships. We get to decide whether we want to go our own way or follow Jesus through the narrow gate.

Photo: Praying together helped us to grow through conflicts, and closer to God and each other. Picture taken after we finished evening prayer with only 18 days before JoAnn would transition from this life to the next.

Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, August 23, 2025

Love is the narrow gate that we enter to grow closer to Jesus and one another.

He answered them, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough” (Lk 13:24).

Jesus offered this answer to the person who asked him, “Lord, will only a few be saved?” Jesus’ parables about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven (cf Mt 19:24) and the rich man and Lazarus (Lk 16:19-31) also reveal to us that what we say and do in our lives regarding the welfare of others matter. Are we building walls or bridges regarding our relationship with God and one another, are we including or excluding?

There are many distractions, diversions, and temptations that pull at us. When we give in to them, we can strain or even break our relationships. Jesus said many will not be strong enough, and on our own he is right. St Paul also realized this, for he wrote, “I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil that I do not want” (Romans 7:19). How many of us could say the same?

Relationships are not easy in the best of circumstances, this is true on the human level as well as the spiritual. St Teresa of Avila, the 16th-century Spanish saint and doctor of the Church, shared openly and honestly with Jesus once after being thrown from a carriage into a mud puddle, “If you treat your friends so poorly, it is no wonder that you have so few!” I relate to the honesty of this quote. My maternal grandparents had the same kind of open, unfiltered relationship with each other. To an outsider looking in, they would have missed the depth of love they had developed for one another for over sixty years and which continued to grow into their last days.

Authentic relationships demand that we go through the narrow gate of love. Love is more than mere sentiment, emotions, or feelings. We must grow in our willingness to sacrifice, be committed, understanding and forgiving, present, patient, willing to risk being vulnerable, honest, to respect boundaries, and share who we truly are with one another, free of any pretense or masks. On our own, we are not strong enough to persevere, but with God, we will remain faithful.

My grandmother told me to take the time we needed to get to know each other, but once we knew, not to wait too long. We didn’t. JoAnn and I were married six months after we started dating. Each of us brought our own baggage, wounds, and made plenty of mistakes, to our relationship, yet each year was better than the one before because we remained committed to God and to each other. We became more patient and understanding, we empowered and were there for each other. At each of the crossroads that arose over our twenty-three years, we chose the narrow gate. We loved Jesus and each other and that made all the difference.

Jesus is the relationship we need to develop first and foremost and he will then help us to properly order our relationships as well as all aspects of our lives. He will be our foundation and strength as challenges arise. Jesus continually invites us with his tender chords of love to draw closer into relationship with him so better to grow closer into relationship with one another.

Spiritual Stepping Stones