conflict-resolution

The love of Jesus can help us in our times of conflict.

The question raised by “the chief priests and the elders of the people” regarding what authority Jesus was teaching was not an uncommon question. Rabbis and teachers often began their presentations by sharing with their listeners who was their teacher. It would be comparable today to say what university we received our degree from.

There is also a bit of edginess in their question as well because Jesus has not only consistently been challenging their authority but he had also just purged the temple by driving out the sellers and money changers (see Mt. 21:12-17).

Although Jesus’ authority came directly from God, Jesus did not fall for their trap, wanting him to say just that. Then they could accuse him of blasphemy or force him to say his authority did not come from God and show him to be a fraud. Jesus did not give them the satisfaction. Instead of answering their question, Jesus asked one of his own. “Where was John’s baptism from? Was it of heavenly or of human origin” (Mt: 21:24)?

The answer given by these priests and elders showed further their unwillingness to accept who Jesus was. They were the shepherds of the people of Israel, yet they would not speak the truth. They were like reeds swaying in the wind (see Mt. 11:7). Unlike John the Baptist who stood on the truth and spoke truth to power, these chief priests and elders offered an answer that was calculated and weighed out by taking a quick opinion poll among themselves. Their answer was a lukewarm, “We do not know.” 

In answering this way, their authority as leaders was diminished. For if they were the religious guardians and guides, why could they not answer the simple question regarding the origin of John’s baptism? Jesus was not deflecting the question. He was prefacing his response. For if they recognized that John’s baptism originated from God, then why would they refuse to believe Jesus? They knew the answer, they were not willing to give it.

How about us? Are we like reeds swaying in the wind? Do we weigh our answers solely on a perceived response or do we speak the truth as the Holy Spirit leads us? We want to be liked, respected, to belong and to fit in, to be affirmed and accepted, which is healthy and natural, but at what cost? Sometimes we feel uncomfortable speaking what we believe because we fear another’s reactions. This is even more challenging these days because a simple response can affect a harsh reaction.

To live out our baptismal call as prophets, there will be times that we need to resist the perceived and real pressures we feel, resist our own insecurities, lean into conflicts, trust in God, seek his guidance, and speak the words the Holy Spirit gives.

As we do so, we need to remember to speak from a place of understanding and love. It is better to engage in a dialogue, not just mutually imposed monologues. A good reminder is to follow the lead of Jesus and ask more questions rather than offer ultimatums and pronouncements. Our goal in any encounter is not to impress or prove we are right and the other wrong, but to express what we believe and allow others to do the same. We can grow from one another when we are willing to listen and dialogue even when we disagree.

Sometimes God invites us to be silent and sometimes to speak boldly with passion. The key is to prayerfully pause, then choose to speak or to be silent. It is possible to move away from the extremes of talking past or shouting over one another and avoiding talking altogether. This happens when we listen first, breathe, pray, pause, and respect each other.

Jesus, please forgive us for giving into automatic reactions, not speaking as you have led, and disrespecting others. Help us in each encounter to breathe, to have ears to hear your guidance, to be understanding and respectful. Give us the courage and words to speak with charity and help us to know when to be silent and to listen. Above all, help us to love.

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Photo: Quiet times alone with God help us to experience peace that we can carry with us in times of conflict and disagreement.

Link for the Mass readings for Monday, December 15, 2025

Prayer will help us to heal and grow closer to God and each other.

“Lord, will only a few people be saved?” He answered them, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough (Lk 13:23-24).

This can be a challenging verse to understand and to put into practice. Our salvation is assured in Christ, for he died for all of us and not just for a select few. It is also true that there is no way we can buy or nothing we can do to earn our way into heaven. That said, with the free gift of the grace we have been given by Jesus in the giving of his life for us, we have a responsibility to work out our salvation in this life, “with fear and trembling” (see Philippians 2:12).

Christianity is not a pie in the sky or walk in the park religion, we do not seek a utopia, because Christianity is about a relationship. God loves us and gives us the choice to reject or accept his love. If we say yes, then we collaborate in building a relationship with him and one another. Our fear and trembling is not in a cowering observance, but through humble obedience. We recognize that God is God and we are not. When our relationship with God is properly understood, when he is first, then our relationships with each other as well as what we do and what we seek will stand a better chance of being properly ordered.

Authentic relationships take an investment of time and hard work if those relationships are to move beyond the masks and pretenses we project, pretending to be something we are not or trying to be who others want us to be. This is the same for God. We can pray falsely and for false purposes, and in so doing, grow no closer in our relationship with God. Jesus loves us as his Father loves him, and he invites us to experience the same. This is more than an emotional experience, but a willing of each other’s good. Love is accepting the other as other, in their brokenness and pain, their failings and shortcomings, their sin. It means being willing to take off our masks, being vulnerable, revealing our fears, and resist being defensive or reactive when we are hurt or offended by those who are close to us.

Our prayer becomes real, not when we say the right prayers or words, but when we are honest with God. Our relationship with him grows when we let go of our false understanding that we are self-reliant and we admit that we need the help of the Holy Spirit. When we trust in God, are humble and honest with him, allow ourselves to see our weakness and sin, we can begin to be loved and begin to heal, we can be forgiven and transformed.

When we approach our human relationships, love does not mean that we endure physical and emotional manipulation and abuse, for then we are enabling someone’s destructive behavior. The goal of healthy relationships is to mutually respect each other’s boundaries, be willing to support and empower one another and grow together. We accept each other as we are, while at the same time, we are willing to accompany one another as we seek to hold each other accountable, grow in our relationship with God and who God calls us to be.

Every relationship, if it is to grow and develop, will at some point, come to a cross-road, a narrow gate, in which each person needs to make a decision. We can remain stubborn, hold our ground, and build up a wall, or  we can instead work through the conflict, be honest, risk sharing what we truly believe, allow another to see our best and our worst, admit when we have been wrong or made a mistake, and then mutually support one another, as well as get the help from counseling or spiritual direction as needed.

Healing and growing together happens when we are willing to enter into and seek the root of the conflicts, to each own the parts we have played, and have the humility to say, I am sorry or I forgive you. We heal when we are willing to uncover the underlying issues below the surface, that is most likely veiled by our insecurities, anxieties, and fears. What can help us to feel safe and move toward healing and transformation is the willingness to invite God into our relationship through personal and mutual prayer.

Prayer is the most important thing we can do each day. The light of the Holy Spirit will help us to identify and let go of the baggage we carry and identify the voices we are listening to. Is it the father of lies or the Father who loves us more than we can imagine? Spending time with God and allowing the fire of his love to burn freely anything that is not of him, will help us to discern between the enemy’s voice and God’s. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life who seeks to lead us each step of the way to more intimate relationships. We get to decide whether we want to go our own way or follow Jesus through the narrow gate.

Photo: Praying together helped us to grow through conflicts, and closer to God and each other. Picture taken after we finished evening prayer with only 18 days before JoAnn would transition from this life to the next.

Link for the Mass readings for Sunday, August 23, 2025